there are many different ways to tell someone you love them; different languages, using symbols, sign language, and mouthing words that look like i love you but in actuality you are saying something completely different. there also seems to be rules on when you tell someone this for the first time. i don't what they are and honestly i don't care because most of the time i just do what feels right.
when it comes to my parents, my sis, my friends (guys or gals) and my kids telling them i love you isn't a big deal. there isn't anything taboo about it, i say it because i mean it. i tell these people in my life as often as i can. so i wonder why there is such a stigma about telling someone new in your life those same three words?
for the past several weeks matt has been mouthing "olive juice" to me. the first time caught me completely off guard and i asked him to repeat himself. he then said it out loud and i grinned at him. he writes "i <3 u" on my perpetually dirty car any chance he can. if we happen to be following each, via car, he gives me the sign language sign out his truck window. i love the many different forms of adoration he shares. i share my adoration with him in just as many forms, but when those 3 words escaped my mouth we were both surprised.
a few days ago after a spirited wrestling match, which he won, i was giggling at his hair. now matt almost always has a cap on so i don't see all his hair often, but he has longish hair. it is brown with natural curl, not super curly just wavy. anyway, during the tousle his cap was off and his hair was all crazy. he says are you laughing at my hair? which i replied through my giggles, i'm not laughing at your hair. he quickly retorted oh so you are just laughing at me? without any thought to my answer i said i'm not laughing at you, i love you.
there it was. the words floated through the air and seemed to hover over the top of us. the playful mood that we were enveloped in dissipated instantly. he looked deep into my eyes and asked do you? just as i was going to answer him there was a bunch of ruckus outside. he got up to go check it out leaving me with an opportunity to figure out how i was going to answer.
do i really love him? i quickly mulled this question over. yes, there are tons of things that i love about him; his honesty, integrity, ethics and morals, his goofy free spirited nature, his impossible love for his boys, oh the list could go on and on. i absolutely love how he makes me feel, it is an incredible sense of security, peace and acceptance. i kept coming up with yes. yes i do love him.
he returned after a few moments and the moment had obviously passed, but i still wanted to answer him and simply said, yes. he looked at me quizzically. it's my answer to the question you asked before checking on the ruckus. he smiled knowingly at me and kissed me passionately. i don't remember exactly what we got tangled up in after that exchange, but about 30 minutes later he said randomly, i do too. i knew exactly what he was referring to and kissed him.
the exchange i love you hasn't happened in a direct way, but i am positive it will happen soon. however, i love all the others ways that we share our love with each other and don't want to give those up to use the traditional version. the use of hearts, sign language, and whatever else is refreshing and keeps our relationship fun and youthful. i feel like a little girl who is swept up in the all consuming excitement of my first love.
so if you are ever around us and hear olive juice, you will understand.
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