sometimes you need to get slapped in the face to get it! it seems like i need that slap in the face regarding certain situations a little more than others. geez, i might have to start wearing protective gear!
sunday morning has become my weekly therapy session with shreddie, via skype. i am in my bed with a cup of coffee, i get the best reception in my bed. so if you ever want to join me in bed we should skype..ha! shreddie is on her couch with a glass of wine. i always giggle at this, because most of the time we are both in our pj's but our beverages our definitely different. we both look ragged, me because i just woke up, shreddie because she is ready to go to bed. we are quite a pair.
first of all skype has got to be one of the coolest technological advances ever. i am by no means a techie person, and there may be way cooler things out there, but for me skype is it!! ok back to shreddie, shreddie lives in Belarus. i used to talk to her everyday, sometimes more than once, now i am lucky to get a marathon skype session once a week, but it is definitely better than nothing at all. we still talk about the same things; boys, kids, parents, school, crazy people we see during our everyday life. but now we have added; new foods, new countries, umm new boys (okay that isn't new), language barriers and the ever growing list of things she needs to remember to get while she is home this summer.
yesterday was a sob session (for me). i was going on and on about J. she was patiently listening to me and then says, "Heather, it is not all about you." well crap! i think if we were sitting next to each other on the couch, she seriously would have slapped me or at least thrown me to the ground for some leg wrestling. i am sure my mouth fell open with disbelief, well actually i know it did, because i can't help but look at myself in the picture up in the corner, i distract myself. anyway, she went on to say, that from what i have told her about J, that he is not "that guy" and if i really believe that in my heart then stop freaking out. she recommended a book a friend of hers wrote, Laura Munson, the book is titled This Is Not the StoryYou Think It Is: A season of Unlikely Happiness. i told her i am not really into those "self help" books. maybe i should be, but i find them to be sooooooo boring. shreddie assures me that this book will speak to me.
shreddie, i ordered the book today. i will give you my review soon.
shreddie has become so philosophical in Belarus. i wonder if there is something in the water over there? hmmm....whatever it is, shreddie did what best friends do, helped me calm down, put things into perspective and stop obsessing. i still didn't sleep well. i have gotten into this pattern of reading, falling asleep with my light on and book tented across my chest. then i wake up, close my book, turn off my light and then lay in the dark staring at the walls. at least last night didn't include tears, progress, i will take it. but i seem to do the fall asleep/wake up thing several times during the night. it is almost like i have a newborn at home. maybe with this new perspective i will develop a better sleeping pattern. it sure would help, i am seriously exhausted!
so i am left with this, is it ever about me? i can accept that it will never be just about me in regards to my kiddos, i learned that right away after my daughter was born. nobody comes to see you, they come to see the new baby and oh by the way how are you? but in a relationship with another adult, be it a girlfriend, a boyfriend, spouse, parents, siblings...is there ever a time when it is just about me?
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