i had a long conversation with my daughter tonight, she is 9. many times she is so filled with emotion she gets very angry and yells at me, cries and tells me to leave. hopefully i am not the only mother who gets this from her 9 year old daughter. anyway, most of the time i don't leave, i wait it out until she has said all the horrible things she needs to say, wrap her up in my arms and we start fresh. so tonight in her tirade of insults came out "truths", truths that she was told by her father.
i am big on telling the truth, but i wonder if you can still can call it "telling the truth" if your truth telling is meant to harm someone? i have never claimed to be innocent or guilt free in my divorce. i have never said it was all his fault, because it wasn't. i accept my responsibility for our failure and hopefully have learned my mistakes. i suppose i will never know if i have really learned until i am in another relationship, but that is another story.
are you really "telling the truth" when you are feeding someone information that they shouldn't have knowledge of? are you "telling the truth" when you are omitting information that would cast yourself in a bad way? how do i correct the "truth" without sharing too much information? is it even worth correcting the "truth"? i wish i had the answers to all of these questions, then maybe for a fraction of a moment my mind will stop spinning.
by the time our conversation ended, P was all smiles, hugs and kisses. she no longer "hated" me, in fact she told me she loved me first and asked for extra hugs and extra kisses. i even got to take her new favorite blankie to bed so i wouldn't be alone. i am so very proud of my daughter, she is not afraid of her emotions and will tell me the good and the bad. i hope she never loses that. i love you P.
1 comment:
No one is innocent, not one single human being on this planet, except for a baby I guess :). No matter how hard one might try to be the best parent for their children, you can never alleviate the confusion of having two parents with two different theories as to what is "appropriate". I don't know what was said, nor is it my business to know.
However, taking the higher road is harder, but also more appreciated by your kids. They may not realize it now, but later down the road they'll remember what was going on, they'll remember how each parent acted and what they said, and they will love you for being who you are.
Kids are smart little creatures. A lot of their emotions come from confusion in situations like yours. I think the road you are taking is the best one. You're open and honest and that's what they want. You have the smarts to know what should be talked about with 9yoa child and what shouldn't be. And always remember, regardless of how angry or upset they get, they love you more than anything in this world, no matter what :)
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