48 George Washingtons silently walk into the gymnasium. they have been practicing all week, not one of them cracks a smile or even turns towards the audience. they know exactly where they are supposed to be, quietly placing their chairs, the same ones they sit in at their desks in the classroom, on the floor and take their seats. still no major sounds, just the georges adjusting in their chairs and the audience shifting around trying to see their george. a few clicks from a camera and now some of the georges start to get up.
the audience is anxious. i see several moms and dads look to their neighbors and smile. i am sitting with my ex and our son is between us and we share a smile. i am thankful that he was able to make it, i know that our daughter will be thrilled that he came. our son is so excited to have both his parents on either side of him. it is a comforting feeling to know that we are both there sharing this moment of our daughter's life. it is important for our children to see that we both love them tremendously and can put our differences aside even if it is for just a few moments to support them.
a group of 6 maybe 7 georges form a line in front of all the sitting georges and wait. the audience quiets and its showtime. "Welcome to a celebration of this nation's first President, George Washington." my george is part of this opening act. she is standing perfectly still, very stoic and george-like. she is holding her notecard and waiting for her turn to speak. the microphone is passed to her and she is instantly red. oh she is just like her mother. although she is a complete goofball and will make a spectacle of herself anywhere, put the spotlight directly on her, and she freezes. she reads her card flawlessly and passes the microphone to the next george. the opening act is done and the georges take their seats.
48 four foot somethings take center stage, each reciting their factoid about George Washington. each george has on their paper bag wig with the white poly fiberfill glued to the bag to look like hair, complete with a pony tail. some of them are in the basic black pants and white shirt, this was the uniform we were asked to put them. one george is in his athletic shorts that he wears year round, another george has added epaulets to his jacket, and another george has on a red bolero jacket over her white blouse. they are the cutest things ever.
for some you can tell this was their first real experience public speaking. i always feel like i am going to vomit when i have to do it, not my forte, but they all do a fabulous job. some hold their notecards just in case they forget a line, and some are just so comfortable having all those eyes on them. my george's factoid comes at towards the end. my george was out riding his horse at the ripe old age of 67 got strep throat because he was out too long and died. i remember gasping when she read me her part the first time. i was thinking, "what you die?" and then "i didn't know that was how George died, interesting."
it was a great night. one of those ones you look forward to as a parent. being able to see the growth in this group of students is an incredible thing to witness. i feel very honored and priviledged to be a part, whether it is the little girl who is a regular at our house or just a familiar smile once a week from an adult who cares, of these kids lives. making my own kiddos day by sitting with their father is something that i hope will continue. being at ease with my own emotions sitting next to my ex was a triumphant moment for me.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
once a week i volunteer in my kid's classes at school. one because i have to, they attend a school that requires parent participation and we have an assigned work day in the classroom. two because i absolutely love being in school with my kids, if it wasn't required i would still be there. i love their school. here is my quick shout out to MCEP.
Marysville Cooperative Education Program: is a public school within the Marysville school district that is housed at Quil Ceda Elementary. we follow the same curriculum as any other marysville grade school, but there is a huge focus on parent involvement. there are a few requirements: you have to put in two and half hours of volunteer time per kid per week, attend a mandatory monthly parent meeting and attend two field trips per kid during the school year. so there are the basics. here is my thought on a school like this, from your child's first day of school you are showing and telling them that their education is important. you are wanting to see your child succeed and are willing to sacrifice to help them be successful. i personally believe that this is a HUGE message to the children of this program.
unfortunately our school has a poor reputation as being a school for the priviledged or rich kids. this is completely false. i am a single mother who works (outside of the home), i give up a day of work (and pay) to be a part of this program. a good portion of the parents of this school work outside of the home, some are two parent homes, single parent homes, blended families what have you. we are just a group of parents who want to be involved in our kids education. i could go on and on about our school, but funny things happen at school and i just have to share!
so tuesdays are my work day. i spend the first half of the day in my son's classroom, he is in 1st grade and the second half of the day in my daughter's 3rd grade classroom. i am the parent who sits on the floor during general instruction time or a lesson, i raise my hand to answer the questions (sometimes i even get called on), i sit at an empty work station (there always seems to be a kid missing) and do the work that is assigned. i am a 34 year old woman repeating elementary school! i am a complete disruption to the poor teachers that get my kids in their class, but i am disruption most places i go.
in 1st grade the writing assignment is a multiple day project, but today was list 5 facts about me. so true to form, i am participating, well that is what i call it. "Mrs. Wolff read mine." i scan her card (they are writing their facts on notecards), 1st grade penmanship/grammar is atrocious. the words are misspelled (a huge pet peeve of mine), the sentences jump around, oh my word it is just torture to read their work, but this cherubs work is pretty good. so i scan her card and read it out loud to her, changing her facts to something totally off the wall and ridiculous. i can see her over the card and her mouth has dropped open, her precious eyes are popping out of her head behind her glasses (which now they look enormous but still precious), and she has thrown her hands up in the air in disbelief. she whips her curly head around to get some assistance from her teacher who is across the room, but the teacher is giggling (the teacher and i are really good friends), this is just another day with flo in the classroom. i hand her card back and give her a huge hug, "those are great facts. thank you for sharing them with me." hee hee another bites the dust. ok ok this may be cruel, but we are halfway through the year and by now i have spent enough time with these kids that i know which ones i can mess with and they are used to my antics.
so i am standing next to this other kiddo who is working very hard on his paper. now this kid is very quiet, not sure if i have ever had a conversation with him, but he is always on task, turns in his work and doesn't create any chaos in the classroom. he looks up at me and says, " i really like your hair today." "wow, thanks." "it looks different than usual" "yep, it is curly, i have naturally curly hair. i iron it everyday." you could tell that he was pondering what i was saying, tyring to make sense of this crayz idea of "ironing your hair" and he says, "well i like it this way." oh my goodness i wanted to take him home. nothing like a 7 year old to make your day.
i just love being in class with the little critters. sometimes they drive me absolutely insane and i can't wait to get out of there and other days i don't want to leave. i couldn't imagine being a teacher, having to manage a classroom everyday and attempt to teach them something, praying that it is sinking in. i commend the teachers for the time, patience and joy they bring to each of the kid's lives. i do think it is an absolute priviledge to be in school with my kids and thank you to the teachers that put up with my antics at school. you know i was a really good student and never made trouble, not sure why i do now? hmmmm.....
Marysville Cooperative Education Program: is a public school within the Marysville school district that is housed at Quil Ceda Elementary. we follow the same curriculum as any other marysville grade school, but there is a huge focus on parent involvement. there are a few requirements: you have to put in two and half hours of volunteer time per kid per week, attend a mandatory monthly parent meeting and attend two field trips per kid during the school year. so there are the basics. here is my thought on a school like this, from your child's first day of school you are showing and telling them that their education is important. you are wanting to see your child succeed and are willing to sacrifice to help them be successful. i personally believe that this is a HUGE message to the children of this program.
unfortunately our school has a poor reputation as being a school for the priviledged or rich kids. this is completely false. i am a single mother who works (outside of the home), i give up a day of work (and pay) to be a part of this program. a good portion of the parents of this school work outside of the home, some are two parent homes, single parent homes, blended families what have you. we are just a group of parents who want to be involved in our kids education. i could go on and on about our school, but funny things happen at school and i just have to share!
so tuesdays are my work day. i spend the first half of the day in my son's classroom, he is in 1st grade and the second half of the day in my daughter's 3rd grade classroom. i am the parent who sits on the floor during general instruction time or a lesson, i raise my hand to answer the questions (sometimes i even get called on), i sit at an empty work station (there always seems to be a kid missing) and do the work that is assigned. i am a 34 year old woman repeating elementary school! i am a complete disruption to the poor teachers that get my kids in their class, but i am disruption most places i go.
in 1st grade the writing assignment is a multiple day project, but today was list 5 facts about me. so true to form, i am participating, well that is what i call it. "Mrs. Wolff read mine." i scan her card (they are writing their facts on notecards), 1st grade penmanship/grammar is atrocious. the words are misspelled (a huge pet peeve of mine), the sentences jump around, oh my word it is just torture to read their work, but this cherubs work is pretty good. so i scan her card and read it out loud to her, changing her facts to something totally off the wall and ridiculous. i can see her over the card and her mouth has dropped open, her precious eyes are popping out of her head behind her glasses (which now they look enormous but still precious), and she has thrown her hands up in the air in disbelief. she whips her curly head around to get some assistance from her teacher who is across the room, but the teacher is giggling (the teacher and i are really good friends), this is just another day with flo in the classroom. i hand her card back and give her a huge hug, "those are great facts. thank you for sharing them with me." hee hee another bites the dust. ok ok this may be cruel, but we are halfway through the year and by now i have spent enough time with these kids that i know which ones i can mess with and they are used to my antics.
so i am standing next to this other kiddo who is working very hard on his paper. now this kid is very quiet, not sure if i have ever had a conversation with him, but he is always on task, turns in his work and doesn't create any chaos in the classroom. he looks up at me and says, " i really like your hair today." "wow, thanks." "it looks different than usual" "yep, it is curly, i have naturally curly hair. i iron it everyday." you could tell that he was pondering what i was saying, tyring to make sense of this crayz idea of "ironing your hair" and he says, "well i like it this way." oh my goodness i wanted to take him home. nothing like a 7 year old to make your day.
i just love being in class with the little critters. sometimes they drive me absolutely insane and i can't wait to get out of there and other days i don't want to leave. i couldn't imagine being a teacher, having to manage a classroom everyday and attempt to teach them something, praying that it is sinking in. i commend the teachers for the time, patience and joy they bring to each of the kid's lives. i do think it is an absolute priviledge to be in school with my kids and thank you to the teachers that put up with my antics at school. you know i was a really good student and never made trouble, not sure why i do now? hmmmm.....
relationships
relationships. relationships are hard on all levels. whether it be an intimate relationship with a partner, the relationship with your children, the relationship with your boss, a relationship with God, a relationship with your best friend, relationships with your parents/siblings or a relationship with a one time close friend that has turned sour. i find that it is hard to meet the needs and expectations of all these different types of relationships and still make sure that you are getting what you need and not compromising yourself too much for the health of the relationship.
these days i seem to be struggling with many of the relationships in my life. i don't think there will ever be a time when it is "easy sailing" and everything will work just as i think it should. relationships take work everyday to build trust and understanding. when we stop working at our relationships and assume that the other person knows exactly where they fit in your life i think is where the breakdown comes.
if you have been following this then you are well aware of J. this is a relationship that i would like to pick back up again. i have done my best to be supportive of his situation, i have faltered along the way by being doubtful, untrusting, and insecure. unfortunately with past relationships i come with a bag that has many negative words embossed on all sides. for all the times that i have failed, i have regrouped, reread the words he has shared and grabbed my other bag that is not embossed with negative. if that "negative nora" in my head would stop secretly switching the bags and just keep her trap shut, i would be golden. so i know that this sounds completely crazy, but i just can't shake him. i have tried, but he has touched my life in a way that is not easy to forget. i no longer sit in my bed sobbing, praying that he will come back, or praying that he will call/text, or look at pictures. instead i am at a point of acceptance. i accept that he may never come back (although i would welcome him if he ever did) and i take the little interaction that we have and am grateful for just that.
trying to mend a relationship that has gone sour is tricky. at one time i considered this person one of my very best friends. i couldn't imagine a day going by without an interaction of some sort. when it ended, it was abrupt. i felt it was unwarranted and i was given no warning. i think to mend this relationship the expectations of both parties needs to be clear. what are the rules of engagement? im not sure if you can ever go back to that level when one party (and both may feel this way, but i can only speak for me) feels that they were treated unfairly. although i am open to renewing the relationship i can't ever see it being what it used to be.
my relationships with my parents is always tricky. in this chapter in my life, i have found a voice. i am for the first time disagreeing with their opinions and making what i need a priority. i understand that this is different for them and not a "behavior" i am used to showing them, but it is about time. i am not a girl who likes confrontation, especially with my family. i have this sense of responsibility to them to not make waves. it is just the four of us here in washington (my mom, dad and sis) but i have spent most of my adult life making sure that everyone is happy and i am needing to make sure that i am happy too. i hope that when my children become adults i can remember that they are grown ups, they are going to make mistakes and although i have an opinion it may not be welcomed.
i was asked the other day, "why haven't i seen you at church lately?" i haven't been to church since October. this is a tough question to answer because the answer isn't acceptable. i could give you all sorts of excuses; i was out late the night before, my kids were being lazy, i was out of town, the list could truly go on and on, but the truthful answer is, i don't want to go. i grew up attending church on sundays and i have introduced my children to the community of church, but i have never felt that you have to attend a place of worship to have a relationship with God.
my ex, this is a very strange relationship one that i don't know how to navigate at all. there is still so much emotion, it's been 18+ months since we separated, but it is still emotional. i would like to get to a point where we can be friendly without resentment or anger. i know that i can get to that point, but i know that i am not there yet. everyday i seem to get closer but i am still a ways away from the finish line.
my poor friends, the ones that i share my life with, the ones who listen to me snivel and pout and say "why me?" when i already know the answers. the ones that i laugh and cry and hate and love with. although i know they love me unconditionally and are always there with open arms, a snot rag or two, a beer if i need one, a gentle but firm grip of the shoulders and shake me until im silly, i should nurture those relationships more. they are turly my saving grace, i would be completely lost without them, and yet i feel like i don't show them enough how much i appreciate, love and cherish their time, support and love. i cannot show them this with things, i have to do.
i actually started this last week and reading through it i sound like i am whining. oh poor me...this was really not my intention. gosh do i always sound so poor me? geez i hope not. i am not a victim of circumstance and i don't want anyone to fix things for me. i will stand on my own two feet and work through whatever comes my way. sometimes it seems like the pile of things to deal with is enormous and i guess that is where i am at right now. i am grateful that i even have relationships to work on, to love and nurture and sometimes to let go.
these days i seem to be struggling with many of the relationships in my life. i don't think there will ever be a time when it is "easy sailing" and everything will work just as i think it should. relationships take work everyday to build trust and understanding. when we stop working at our relationships and assume that the other person knows exactly where they fit in your life i think is where the breakdown comes.
if you have been following this then you are well aware of J. this is a relationship that i would like to pick back up again. i have done my best to be supportive of his situation, i have faltered along the way by being doubtful, untrusting, and insecure. unfortunately with past relationships i come with a bag that has many negative words embossed on all sides. for all the times that i have failed, i have regrouped, reread the words he has shared and grabbed my other bag that is not embossed with negative. if that "negative nora" in my head would stop secretly switching the bags and just keep her trap shut, i would be golden. so i know that this sounds completely crazy, but i just can't shake him. i have tried, but he has touched my life in a way that is not easy to forget. i no longer sit in my bed sobbing, praying that he will come back, or praying that he will call/text, or look at pictures. instead i am at a point of acceptance. i accept that he may never come back (although i would welcome him if he ever did) and i take the little interaction that we have and am grateful for just that.
trying to mend a relationship that has gone sour is tricky. at one time i considered this person one of my very best friends. i couldn't imagine a day going by without an interaction of some sort. when it ended, it was abrupt. i felt it was unwarranted and i was given no warning. i think to mend this relationship the expectations of both parties needs to be clear. what are the rules of engagement? im not sure if you can ever go back to that level when one party (and both may feel this way, but i can only speak for me) feels that they were treated unfairly. although i am open to renewing the relationship i can't ever see it being what it used to be.
my relationships with my parents is always tricky. in this chapter in my life, i have found a voice. i am for the first time disagreeing with their opinions and making what i need a priority. i understand that this is different for them and not a "behavior" i am used to showing them, but it is about time. i am not a girl who likes confrontation, especially with my family. i have this sense of responsibility to them to not make waves. it is just the four of us here in washington (my mom, dad and sis) but i have spent most of my adult life making sure that everyone is happy and i am needing to make sure that i am happy too. i hope that when my children become adults i can remember that they are grown ups, they are going to make mistakes and although i have an opinion it may not be welcomed.
i was asked the other day, "why haven't i seen you at church lately?" i haven't been to church since October. this is a tough question to answer because the answer isn't acceptable. i could give you all sorts of excuses; i was out late the night before, my kids were being lazy, i was out of town, the list could truly go on and on, but the truthful answer is, i don't want to go. i grew up attending church on sundays and i have introduced my children to the community of church, but i have never felt that you have to attend a place of worship to have a relationship with God.
my ex, this is a very strange relationship one that i don't know how to navigate at all. there is still so much emotion, it's been 18+ months since we separated, but it is still emotional. i would like to get to a point where we can be friendly without resentment or anger. i know that i can get to that point, but i know that i am not there yet. everyday i seem to get closer but i am still a ways away from the finish line.
my poor friends, the ones that i share my life with, the ones who listen to me snivel and pout and say "why me?" when i already know the answers. the ones that i laugh and cry and hate and love with. although i know they love me unconditionally and are always there with open arms, a snot rag or two, a beer if i need one, a gentle but firm grip of the shoulders and shake me until im silly, i should nurture those relationships more. they are turly my saving grace, i would be completely lost without them, and yet i feel like i don't show them enough how much i appreciate, love and cherish their time, support and love. i cannot show them this with things, i have to do.
i actually started this last week and reading through it i sound like i am whining. oh poor me...this was really not my intention. gosh do i always sound so poor me? geez i hope not. i am not a victim of circumstance and i don't want anyone to fix things for me. i will stand on my own two feet and work through whatever comes my way. sometimes it seems like the pile of things to deal with is enormous and i guess that is where i am at right now. i am grateful that i even have relationships to work on, to love and nurture and sometimes to let go.
Friday, February 4, 2011
my baggage is embossed...
being a 34 divorced single mother i come with baggage. i would like to think that anyone in their 30's (divorced, never been married, married, kids no kids) comes with baggage, i don't want to be alone here. sometimes you get LOTS of baggage, you've paid an extra $50.00 to check 2 bags and you are bringing a carry on, other times you get a little baggage, maybe just the toiletries bag. i don't know too many people who fall in the toiletries bag category, but for those of you who do...bravo!
i have one bag. i might be able to carry it on, if i bat my eyelashes at the guy ticket checker, but more than likely i would have to check my bag. my bag at the moment is full, but check back next year i'm positive it will be just a carry on. i haven't had to unzip the expando part so i'm not doing too bad. my bag is leather (i like a nice carmel colored leather) and it is embossed. it is embossed with a couple token negative words....doubt and untrusting. they are small and infrequent but they are deep. the rest of the space on my bag is embossed with positive words....hopeful, love, happiness, deserving, strong, joy, safe and secure. the inside of my bag is lined with another set of words....lifetime, forever, husband, children, peace, and future. these words are hard to see, but i am making my way to them.
i have been told, "i think you are afraid to be alone." i don't really understand that. i am not afraid to be alone. first of all i could never be alone i have two ratchets under my feet all the time. in case you don't know ratchets, this is a word i use to describe my kids, used in the most loving way known to mankind. when i do have a moment of solitude it is blissful and welcomed. i am comfortable with me, i know my strengths and my weaknesses. i am aware of what i can give and how much i can put up with. i simply don't want to be alone. i do not see my future as just being me. i want to share my life with another human being. so why does that get interpreted into "i think you are afraid to be alone"? gosh i wish i knew.
i like the inside of my bag. there is a description of marriage by Rainer Maria Rilke that i love. the point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. a merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. but once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility to always see each other as a whole and before an immense sky. i just think this is so awesome.
my failed marriage has brought on the bulk of the weight in my bag and those two lovely words: doubt and untrusting. i put a ton of faith into a person who wasn't able to deliver. he is not a bad person, on the contrary he is a really good person, with good intentions and a good heart, but what i needed from him he wasn't able to do. i made his repeated failures ok for many years, which brings me to those two token words.
somehow this is bringing me to J. yes i know why, it is because this is a relationship (well it was a relationship, not sure what anyone would call it right now) that i am struggling with. i am doubting that he will be back although he has given me NO indication that he won't, except for the simple fact that he isn't. i don't always doubt, most of the time i am sure he will be, but it clearly isn't the time for us to pursue a relationship. sometimes the timing just isn't right, life happens and although you want badly for things to be different it doesn't change the reality that is.
oh crap there is that want thing, laura would be disappointed in me. i am really trying to let go of the want. wanting things that are beyond my control. instead create the life, the happiness and joy that i want instead of trying to get it from someone or something else. want...it is hard to not want.
i wonder what other people's bags look like and what they are filled with. i know i am not the only who has a bag. sometimes i wish that security would come along and just throw all of it away "sorry ma'am but you can't bring full sized bottles of crap.", but i know that isn't the solution. as hard as it is to sort through the contents it is proving to be worth it.
i have one bag. i might be able to carry it on, if i bat my eyelashes at the guy ticket checker, but more than likely i would have to check my bag. my bag at the moment is full, but check back next year i'm positive it will be just a carry on. i haven't had to unzip the expando part so i'm not doing too bad. my bag is leather (i like a nice carmel colored leather) and it is embossed. it is embossed with a couple token negative words....doubt and untrusting. they are small and infrequent but they are deep. the rest of the space on my bag is embossed with positive words....hopeful, love, happiness, deserving, strong, joy, safe and secure. the inside of my bag is lined with another set of words....lifetime, forever, husband, children, peace, and future. these words are hard to see, but i am making my way to them.
i have been told, "i think you are afraid to be alone." i don't really understand that. i am not afraid to be alone. first of all i could never be alone i have two ratchets under my feet all the time. in case you don't know ratchets, this is a word i use to describe my kids, used in the most loving way known to mankind. when i do have a moment of solitude it is blissful and welcomed. i am comfortable with me, i know my strengths and my weaknesses. i am aware of what i can give and how much i can put up with. i simply don't want to be alone. i do not see my future as just being me. i want to share my life with another human being. so why does that get interpreted into "i think you are afraid to be alone"? gosh i wish i knew.
i like the inside of my bag. there is a description of marriage by Rainer Maria Rilke that i love. the point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. a merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. but once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility to always see each other as a whole and before an immense sky. i just think this is so awesome.
my failed marriage has brought on the bulk of the weight in my bag and those two lovely words: doubt and untrusting. i put a ton of faith into a person who wasn't able to deliver. he is not a bad person, on the contrary he is a really good person, with good intentions and a good heart, but what i needed from him he wasn't able to do. i made his repeated failures ok for many years, which brings me to those two token words.
somehow this is bringing me to J. yes i know why, it is because this is a relationship (well it was a relationship, not sure what anyone would call it right now) that i am struggling with. i am doubting that he will be back although he has given me NO indication that he won't, except for the simple fact that he isn't. i don't always doubt, most of the time i am sure he will be, but it clearly isn't the time for us to pursue a relationship. sometimes the timing just isn't right, life happens and although you want badly for things to be different it doesn't change the reality that is.
oh crap there is that want thing, laura would be disappointed in me. i am really trying to let go of the want. wanting things that are beyond my control. instead create the life, the happiness and joy that i want instead of trying to get it from someone or something else. want...it is hard to not want.
i wonder what other people's bags look like and what they are filled with. i know i am not the only who has a bag. sometimes i wish that security would come along and just throw all of it away "sorry ma'am but you can't bring full sized bottles of crap.", but i know that isn't the solution. as hard as it is to sort through the contents it is proving to be worth it.
muffin top
i am in my 3rd week of my clothing challenge. i have to admit that i really do love a challenge and this is a good one. i have yet to wear even the same article of clothing (shoes definitely don't count i just don't have that many shoes, but i do have a lot). i had to buy something. now before you throw the big "YOU LOSE" card at me, hear me out. i have to wear hosiery for work, it is part of the dress code. so the other day i put a hole through my last pair of plain black tights. i do have one other pair, but they are a huge pain in the rear. the waistband on them is lace. i'm not sure whose great idea this was, but a lace waistband is just plain stupid! although it looks pretty, it does not stay up, the most obnoxious thing in the world. i hold on to them as a back up, in a pinch, when i am running late and my favorite pair is in the wash or what have you.
so with my persmission from the challenge givers, i bought new tights last night. in my excitement to make a purchase i bought 6 pairs! i really wanted to get the Vera Wang tights from Kohls because they are by far the best ones i have ever had. i will share my tight story in a minute. i just didn't want to spend the money, i am kinda cheap when it comes to certain things. so i got 2 pairs of black (a plain and a patterned), 1 gray, 1 teal pair (not practical at all, but i was caught up in the moment), a nude pair with a floral pattern (these seemed interesting and i thought i could rock these) and then a pair of purple thigh highs. excessive? i think not.
i got dressed with a little extra kick to my step. i was excited to put something together with my new purchases. i picked the thigh highs. now i haven't worn thigh highs, outside of the bedroom, since i got married. i love them, they are really beautiful. the top of the leg is lace with a rubber backing. i put my stockings on and go look in the mirror. oh my word it is horrific! i have a muffin top and not just one but two on my thighs! this is terrible. i am adjusting in the mirror and well there is just no getting around the muffin top. now i am not a heavy girl, but i carry my weight where millions of other women do, through my butt and thighs. i weighed myself this morning and i topped out at 129lbs and i am 5'8" in the morning ( i love to say that, i stand just a little taller in the morning and well by the evening i am probably more around 5'7 1/2"). so as you can see i am not a big girl, but i do have some extra "winter weight" through my legs. ugh! guess i need to keep running.
so i promised a story about my vera wang tights, here you go. falling is funny. i laugh at other people who fall (especially my kids after i make sure they are ok) and of course i laugh at myself. i know it is kind of mean, but it is just funny to me. so last spring i was walking into work. now to get into the office i have to walk down an alley. the actual alley is sloped and paved. i was wearing a skirt, my black vera wang tights, and my flat black riding boots. i almost made it to the door and all of a sudden my left foot starts skating down the alley. i said out loud, "oh crap, i'm going down." and down i went. in an attempt to not fall on my ass, i put my right now down. correction is tried to pile drive the cement with my knee. ummm....not such a good plan it hurt bad. i get up and hobble into the office doing the laugh/cry. so damage report: i totally ruined the front of my boot, took a whole layer off the toe, my knee was bleeding (in fact i have a scar from this incident), but the tights not a snag, hole or any evidence at all that they had just been through a war with the pavement and won. definitely worth the money, they rock!!
outfits for the week:
Monday: leopard print shirt dress, black cardigan sweater with peplum, black tights and black pumps.
Wednesday: gray turtleneck, unionbay jean skirt, gray tights, red boots and red scarf
Thursday: the maggie skirt (from CAbi), turquoise long sleeve tshirt with button detail at cuff and neck, my favorite boots of all time Biviel knee high carmel colored boots, and a wide braided leather belt.
Friday: brown corduroy skirt, purple long sleeve cowl neck tshirt, purple thigh highs (muffin top and all), brown booties and a red scarf. scarf was an addition at the last minute in honor of National Wear Red Day.
to all my CAbi ladies, i love that you are doing this with me. i know you are clothes hounds like me and it is good to go through the piles and see what you have, what you can get rid of, and what you love. i am finding that there are things that i am in need of (shocking i know) and things that i just can't stand.
cheers
H
so with my persmission from the challenge givers, i bought new tights last night. in my excitement to make a purchase i bought 6 pairs! i really wanted to get the Vera Wang tights from Kohls because they are by far the best ones i have ever had. i will share my tight story in a minute. i just didn't want to spend the money, i am kinda cheap when it comes to certain things. so i got 2 pairs of black (a plain and a patterned), 1 gray, 1 teal pair (not practical at all, but i was caught up in the moment), a nude pair with a floral pattern (these seemed interesting and i thought i could rock these) and then a pair of purple thigh highs. excessive? i think not.
i got dressed with a little extra kick to my step. i was excited to put something together with my new purchases. i picked the thigh highs. now i haven't worn thigh highs, outside of the bedroom, since i got married. i love them, they are really beautiful. the top of the leg is lace with a rubber backing. i put my stockings on and go look in the mirror. oh my word it is horrific! i have a muffin top and not just one but two on my thighs! this is terrible. i am adjusting in the mirror and well there is just no getting around the muffin top. now i am not a heavy girl, but i carry my weight where millions of other women do, through my butt and thighs. i weighed myself this morning and i topped out at 129lbs and i am 5'8" in the morning ( i love to say that, i stand just a little taller in the morning and well by the evening i am probably more around 5'7 1/2"). so as you can see i am not a big girl, but i do have some extra "winter weight" through my legs. ugh! guess i need to keep running.
so i promised a story about my vera wang tights, here you go. falling is funny. i laugh at other people who fall (especially my kids after i make sure they are ok) and of course i laugh at myself. i know it is kind of mean, but it is just funny to me. so last spring i was walking into work. now to get into the office i have to walk down an alley. the actual alley is sloped and paved. i was wearing a skirt, my black vera wang tights, and my flat black riding boots. i almost made it to the door and all of a sudden my left foot starts skating down the alley. i said out loud, "oh crap, i'm going down." and down i went. in an attempt to not fall on my ass, i put my right now down. correction is tried to pile drive the cement with my knee. ummm....not such a good plan it hurt bad. i get up and hobble into the office doing the laugh/cry. so damage report: i totally ruined the front of my boot, took a whole layer off the toe, my knee was bleeding (in fact i have a scar from this incident), but the tights not a snag, hole or any evidence at all that they had just been through a war with the pavement and won. definitely worth the money, they rock!!
outfits for the week:
Monday: leopard print shirt dress, black cardigan sweater with peplum, black tights and black pumps.
Wednesday: gray turtleneck, unionbay jean skirt, gray tights, red boots and red scarf
Thursday: the maggie skirt (from CAbi), turquoise long sleeve tshirt with button detail at cuff and neck, my favorite boots of all time Biviel knee high carmel colored boots, and a wide braided leather belt.
Friday: brown corduroy skirt, purple long sleeve cowl neck tshirt, purple thigh highs (muffin top and all), brown booties and a red scarf. scarf was an addition at the last minute in honor of National Wear Red Day.
to all my CAbi ladies, i love that you are doing this with me. i know you are clothes hounds like me and it is good to go through the piles and see what you have, what you can get rid of, and what you love. i am finding that there are things that i am in need of (shocking i know) and things that i just can't stand.
cheers
H
clouds
first of all i am going to start with i am in the middle of my cycle and well i am a little more in touch with my emotions than when i am not. things that normally don't seem to get to me do when my monthly visitor arrives, thankfully she doesn't overstay her visit.
i have been on the brink of tears all day. my eyes are red and puffy and bloodshot. this is a really attractive look. with my "i haven't gotten enough sleep or i took a hit on my lunch break eyes" i have this volcano growing on the bridge of my nose right between my eyes. i say volcano because the pressure is building and it is getting ready to explode! it is giving me this enormous headache because of the pressure. i have attempted to "pop" it but it has another plan. i hope it erupts soon, it is starting to affect my vision. ok back to the emotions.
brink of tears...it started with clouds. stupid clouds. are you freaking kidding me? i was driving in to work this morning and the clouds were awesome. i have never seen clouds like them before and i was trying to take their picture, but i have issues with my "out-of-date" phone and there is no zoom or anything like that and well instead of causing an accident i just let it go. catalogue those awesome clouds in my brain. well i got to work and had to share it with J. this is something he would've noticed, they were that cool. i wanted at that moment to hear how he would've described them. he has such an incredible gift with words, i just knew it would've been cool. well then i started thinking about J, and then the tears well up. seriously, clouds! that is all it took.
this is where it started, clouds. most of the day at work, if i strayed from my task the waterworks would start. so annoying. i am not a person who usually walks around crying all day. so it is now time to leave and go get my kids from school. as i am sitting in the long pick up line i start to cry again. this time it has to do with my kiddos.
first you need a visual. my car is parked, i am listening to Daughtry (their latest album that i got as a gift from my really good friend Ty and i saw them in concert, LOVE Daughtry), i have my sudoku book in hand (i have these everywhere car, at home, in my desk, i always do the one in the paper) and i am plugging the numbers in and start thinking about my kids. next thing i know i am crying again. not tears of joy, but the simple fact that i (with their father) changed their little lives forever, i can't take it back, i can't fix it and the ones who are hurt the most is them. kill me now!
the kids get in the car and my daughter says, "have you been crying?" i reply truthfully, "yes, do you see that mountain in between my eyes, i tried to pop it. it hurt really bad and brought tears to my eyes." she laughed at me and so did my son and i did too. they didn't know that i was feeling guilty and sad and stupid.
well there you go, my stupid emotional day that started with clouds. wonder how today will go? sounds like it is raining outside which should mean nothing cool to see in the sky. i might be safe for a while.
i have been on the brink of tears all day. my eyes are red and puffy and bloodshot. this is a really attractive look. with my "i haven't gotten enough sleep or i took a hit on my lunch break eyes" i have this volcano growing on the bridge of my nose right between my eyes. i say volcano because the pressure is building and it is getting ready to explode! it is giving me this enormous headache because of the pressure. i have attempted to "pop" it but it has another plan. i hope it erupts soon, it is starting to affect my vision. ok back to the emotions.
brink of tears...it started with clouds. stupid clouds. are you freaking kidding me? i was driving in to work this morning and the clouds were awesome. i have never seen clouds like them before and i was trying to take their picture, but i have issues with my "out-of-date" phone and there is no zoom or anything like that and well instead of causing an accident i just let it go. catalogue those awesome clouds in my brain. well i got to work and had to share it with J. this is something he would've noticed, they were that cool. i wanted at that moment to hear how he would've described them. he has such an incredible gift with words, i just knew it would've been cool. well then i started thinking about J, and then the tears well up. seriously, clouds! that is all it took.
this is where it started, clouds. most of the day at work, if i strayed from my task the waterworks would start. so annoying. i am not a person who usually walks around crying all day. so it is now time to leave and go get my kids from school. as i am sitting in the long pick up line i start to cry again. this time it has to do with my kiddos.
first you need a visual. my car is parked, i am listening to Daughtry (their latest album that i got as a gift from my really good friend Ty and i saw them in concert, LOVE Daughtry), i have my sudoku book in hand (i have these everywhere car, at home, in my desk, i always do the one in the paper) and i am plugging the numbers in and start thinking about my kids. next thing i know i am crying again. not tears of joy, but the simple fact that i (with their father) changed their little lives forever, i can't take it back, i can't fix it and the ones who are hurt the most is them. kill me now!
the kids get in the car and my daughter says, "have you been crying?" i reply truthfully, "yes, do you see that mountain in between my eyes, i tried to pop it. it hurt really bad and brought tears to my eyes." she laughed at me and so did my son and i did too. they didn't know that i was feeling guilty and sad and stupid.
well there you go, my stupid emotional day that started with clouds. wonder how today will go? sounds like it is raining outside which should mean nothing cool to see in the sky. i might be safe for a while.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
thank you
im surprised at the number of people who actually read this. i get messages on my phone, "have you forgotten about your blog? i love reading it", posts on my facebook page, "you are such a girl. or thanks those are the words i needed to hear today." sometimes i am just having a face-to-face conversation with a friend and, "i read your blog, i wanted to ask you about that."
when i finally figured out how to do this...it has taken me a couple of years. in fact i had an account that was titled, "Wolff Family Blog" and had a brief history of the making of the "Wolff" family. maybe the destruction of that would've been interesting...hmmmm. anyway, it took me a while to figure this whole thing out. i had things running through my head, questions that i wanted to put out there, ideas that intrigued me, facts that i thought were interesting and maybe someone else would too, this seemed like a good medium to use. i start many topics but they never make it to actual "posting". sometimes the drafts seem to personal and private or maybe a little too controversial and i am not prepared at this time in my life to go further with my initial thoughts.
this blogging thing has been very therapeutic for me. i am the type of person who needs to get "it" out of my head, that can mean several things. i can discuss the latest thing on my brain with my closest friends, sometimes that means over and over again until they are sick of me. i can write it down in a journal, which is just a spiral notebook leftovers from the previous school year. now i have this to jot it down and see what comes from it. sometimes i wish i had the courage to share the things that never make it to publishing, but for now this works.
thank you for being on this journey with me. i appreciate all the comments even though i don't repsond to them, i do read them. truth be told, i haven't figured out how to do that yet. ha! technology and me just don't get along all the time.
yours truly,
heather
when i finally figured out how to do this...it has taken me a couple of years. in fact i had an account that was titled, "Wolff Family Blog" and had a brief history of the making of the "Wolff" family. maybe the destruction of that would've been interesting...hmmmm. anyway, it took me a while to figure this whole thing out. i had things running through my head, questions that i wanted to put out there, ideas that intrigued me, facts that i thought were interesting and maybe someone else would too, this seemed like a good medium to use. i start many topics but they never make it to actual "posting". sometimes the drafts seem to personal and private or maybe a little too controversial and i am not prepared at this time in my life to go further with my initial thoughts.
this blogging thing has been very therapeutic for me. i am the type of person who needs to get "it" out of my head, that can mean several things. i can discuss the latest thing on my brain with my closest friends, sometimes that means over and over again until they are sick of me. i can write it down in a journal, which is just a spiral notebook leftovers from the previous school year. now i have this to jot it down and see what comes from it. sometimes i wish i had the courage to share the things that never make it to publishing, but for now this works.
thank you for being on this journey with me. i appreciate all the comments even though i don't repsond to them, i do read them. truth be told, i haven't figured out how to do that yet. ha! technology and me just don't get along all the time.
yours truly,
heather
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