i'm good...

there aren't too many questions that make me uncomfortable, but there is one that always puts me on edge.  this particular question was asked this morning.  i answered with my standard, but was immediately called out and reasked.  you've got to love the people in your life who see right through your best bullshit.

how are you? 

 

this question is asked out of habit and the asker isn't really asking about your psyche.  this is a general filler question.  the person asking isn't looking for a deep answer, just an i'm good will be satisfactory.  i like this question, i can keep up my charade.

 

how are YOU?

 

this is an entirely different question.  an i'm good doesn't answer let alone pacify the asker.  this person wants to know if you are happy, sad, content, anxious, and anything and everything in between.  i don't like this question.  it requires that i not only be honest with myself but with the asker. 

 

i suppose i could've lied, but this is a true friend who is genuinely interested in my well being.  i feel that i owe this person my authentic self however uplifting or depressing my authentic self may be.  besides i think it is extremely healthy to have people in your life who you can be transparent with.

 

my real answer wasn't uplifting, inspiring or happy.  in fact i said happy might be a stretch.  there are many things that i can attribute to my discontent; the season, my period, missing my kids, or my hangover but these things are frosting.  the cake, i am trying to convince myself that i am content by filling my time with so many things that i'm exhausted. 

 

my mood since my morning conversation has been heavy.  i have spent the majority of my afternoon trying to direct my thoughts anywhere besides my discontent.  however this evening my thoughts refuse to be anywhere but directly in front of me.  i think it is good to face yourself even if it leaves you with tears carving canyons down your face.

so how am i?  i'm good in a not so good way, but it is just a phase and my time will come. the things i am not happy about will fix themselves when the time is right.  when was the last time you really asked yourself how am i?  better yet when was the last time you answered the question honestly and candidly?