there's an app for that...

do you ever see images and think man i want to be there?  i do.  pinterest feeds my daydreaming addiction.

this particular picture beckons me to a simpler time. i imagine a young couple (he is trying to woo her), impeccably dressed (because back in the day people got "dressed"), she has a parasol (to protect her delicate skin from the harsh sun and to hide her blushing face), he is being a gentleman and rowing (chivalry, a long lost art). i have no idea how their story ends, but it starts beautifully.

 

in our ultra modern world today, there is probably an app to simulate this very picture.  you must lie down in the most clinically stark place you can find, hold your phone overhead, and block out everything around you.  simply concentrate and you can feel the gentle rocking of the boat while staring into the bluest sky with the whitest clouds.  all of this on a 5 inch screen.  it's definitely not the same, but in a pinch maybe not so bad.

 

i however, don't want to live my life through an app on a 5 inch screen.  i want to be in that boat, rocking gently while gazing into the bluest sky with the whitest clouds.  instead of petticoats and parasols i would be adorned in north face and some sort of uv protective hat.  

 

here's the kicker, although our clothing is different from times gone by, the same coquettish behavior lives on today, selectively making eye contact and hiding our blushing cheeks behind a uv protective hat.  the words we choose to string together are quite different from the days of waistcoats and pocket watches but i think we still have the same dreams and desires. 

 

to my future beau, can we please, please on a beautiful day find a lake with a rowboat, paddle out to the middle (i will even help), lie in that boat atop a cozy blanket and gaze into the bluest sky with the whitest clouds?  we can talk about how great our life is together and maybe, if nobody is looking, make it rock just a little bit.  we're going to need an extra blanket. *wink*

she's 22...

does age matter to you when you are looking to date someone?  do you have a limit or a range?  maybe your range is anywhere between legal and younger than the grave?  i seem to feel most comfortable with 5 years either way, but tend to like the older side better than the younger.  with that said i have gone over the 5 year cap in both directions.  seeing as how i am single, clearly none of those worked out.

so the movie clip is from Liberal Arts.  i watched it the other night.  not a standout film, but entertaining enough.  this scene i thought was hysterical because i too do the math.  i always find it funny that as you get older the age difference doesn't seem so big, but you go backwards and it makes you cringe.  if you are me, thinking when i was 20, he was 4 makes me feel dirty and i should walk myself to the police station.

anyway, the other night i was out with one of my oldest and dearest friends, who happens to share my name.  on our way to the restaurant she was telling me about the bartender; kind of quiet, cute, you know the basics.  not sure if she thought i was going to bag him up, take him home and keep him hostage, but she was right.  he was very easy on the eyes and i didn't find him quiet at all, he was very chatty with us.  that might be due to the fact it was pretty quiet in there or i'm just that intriguing he couldn't help himself.  

heath (which is pronounced just like heather but without the "er") and i sidled up to the bar, talked amongst ourselves and with the cutie patootie bartender.  we learned some more facts about him; same age as us (37), has a five year old daughter, and is dating a woman who is 22.  what?!  this is not verbatim but he said something along the lines of i'm lucky, she is really mature and gets along with my daughter.  heath whispered to me that's because she still loves pink and all things sparkly!  all i could think in my head (and it may have slipped out) was she's a good lay.  but who am i to judge at least he's getting some.  i mean, he looked happy.

obviously this conversation about miss 22 got me thinking of my own experience with a much younger fella.  it started off well, but quickly went downhill.  it didn't take long to figure out that we had very different priorities and thoughts on where our lives were going.  i'm not going to say that the demise of that interlude was all due to age, but i think it played a big part. 

in my experience, as in the movie, age ended up being a factor.  will mr. cutie patootie bartender run into the same issue?  who knows, maybe. 

waiting...

 

 

two weeks

fourteen days

three hundred thirty six hours

 

...

 

soon

an indescript time frame

30 minutes...

he has a nice beard, it is nice and dark, mine was white yesterday.

 

these are the words i heard as i walked into work from my lunch break.  there is nothing like being on display.  i should back up and tell you how this comment came about...

today i had lunch with a friend.   i don't do this very often.  mostly because 30 minutes isn't a long enough time to sit down, converse and eat, politely.  i love to eat and i love to chat both of which shouldn't be rushed.  however 30 minutes flies by when you are in good company.  consequently 30 minutes can seem like 30 hours in poor company.  thankfully today i was in good company. 

we met at brooklyn pizza.  it is quick, easy and if you know me well, you know that i adore pizza.  i blew in the door like a stiff breeze, on a mission to get started.  the clock is ticking.  there isn't time for the proper niceties of saying hey, it's great to see you.  nope, i'm all business, time to order.  in an effort to save time it is also conquer and divide time.  you get the pizza.  i will grab the drinks. oh and by the way what did you want?

tick-tock

while waiting for our slices of heaven to magically appear at the table there is a small opportunity to converse without food filling my mouth.  the obvious conversation how was your christmas? was discussed.  at this point my lunch mate has my full attention and i appear normal.

tick-tock

heaven lands on our checkered cloth and now the real show starts.  remember when your mother harped on you "don't talk with your mouth full!"?  this is nearly impossible to do when you only have 30 minutes.  in an attempt to not be completely rude, we played a short game of charades.  i completely suck at this game.  before my turn ended i opened my mouth packed full of pizza and gave the answer.  sorry i have no manners when i'm short on time.

tick-tock

once the food has been inhaled with more suction than a hoover vacuum cleaner (because really if you want suction you should get an oreck), i am now checking my phone.  who needs a watch when you have your smart phone?  i'm pretty sure my last bite hadn't finished it's journey down my esophagus and i am packing it up.  i'm sorry, but i have to get back to the office.

tick-tock

the walk back with my lunch mate, was a brisk pace that equaled the chill in the air.  it did allow for a few more minutes to converse without a mouth full of food, which i'm sure is easier to understand and more pleasant.  a couple more minutes of chatting outside of my office door and a hug goodbye.  i turn towards the office door and through the window i see my boss with his hands mimicking binoculars spying.

i walk through the door and straight into his office saying before you ask, no i'm not dating him, just having lunch.  the boss man starts laughing at me and replies he seems nice and he has a nice beard... you know the rest. 

so for future reference i am not a fan of the 30 minute lunch.  especially if i am going to attempt to enjoy someones company and eat.  if you are one who enjoys the odd rituals of bird mating, which is how i feel while trying to talk through gestures and pack my face, then by all means let's do lunch.  if this isn't your cup of tea, i'm free at 6:00pm three weeks from today.

a little grinch-y...

midday christmas.  my living room is a graveyard of paper and boxes.  the most treasured items have taken residence in a "safe" place until they can be properly tended to.  my phone is playing music from it's new docking station, my ears are blinged out with their beautiful new earrings and my neck is warm thanks to a new cashmere scarf.  there is only one other beating heart here.  the most loyal feline, until of course his kids come home and then i'm chopped liver.

surrounded by many but standing alone.  do you ever feel like your circle of friends is 20+ deep, but you are on the sidelines watching?  this is not a sob story, pity party post, i'm just noticing something that is bugging me. 

i have 600+ friends on facebook, 401 followers on blip.me, i can't figure twitter out but i have one.  i am on google+ and have several friends there.  same story on other social networking sites.  today my phone blew up with merry christmas texts.  what's my point?  my point is i am sitting in my home without another heartbeat present.  just mine.

this is insane to me. 

don't get me wrong, i love all the texts, the wall posts, the private emails, even the phone calls (sorry i didn't answer), but i would much rather be in a room with all 1000+ friends.  it would warm my heart to be able to give every single one of you a hug and wish you a happy holiday season in person.

do you think it is weird that we live in a world where we seem to build an army of friends?  creating our very own hand picked virtual family.  we stake claim to a plethora of friends that can't give us a hug when we are crying.  or bring over a cup of coffee and shoot the shit.  or drag our "feeling sorry for ourself" ass out of the house.  instead we fill our text messages with goofy emotion filled pictures, virtually share food that we can't actually eat or even smell, and tell each other how we would comfort them if we lived closer or even actually knew each other. 

is this insane to anyone else? 

as i climb off my soap box for the day, i want to thank you for all the wonderful well wishes today.  i really did love all of them.  i wish i could've reciprocated in person. 

a love letter...

i have been impatiently waiting

endlessly searching for you

 but i have been blind to really see you 

you have been with me all along

 

i see you

 

i've made every excuse 

convincing myself i'm not enough for you

but you've been steadfast

showing me i am

 

i hear you

 

i have built a fortress around myself

but you've cleverly navigated every obstacle

finding a permanent home

in my heart

 

i love you

 

 

o tanenbaum...

i can still remember my first time seeing tchaikovsky's nutcracker ballet.  i was young, possibly in the ten age range.  i got to be super dressed up in some ridiculous frilly dress and stay up past 8:00.  i sat in my chair completely mesmerized.  my absolute favorite moment was when the christmas tree quadrupled in size.  it was beautiful.  this monstrous tree is the epitome of trees for me.  you can imagine my disappointment when year after year our tree at home was, in my eyes, a disaster. 

if you remember last year i had the "rat tree".  i borrowed my mom's fake tree and unbeknownst to anyone there was a stowaway "r.o.u.s.".  the rat was way more than i bargained for.  one would think that having a live rat in your tree would take the cake for the most memorable tree moment, but i have several that make the cut.

the nutcracker has made me love big trees.  i don't want to be able to see over the top of them, that is a definite requirement.  wel,l one year mom decided that she wanted to buy a live tree so she could plant it in the yard afterwards.  just an fyi, the ground is frozen after christmas so you can't really plant it.  anyway, mom bought this tiny, i'm talking maybe 4 ft. tall, tiny tree.  she put in this huge blue grain bucket and set it on top of an old trunk.  granted it was taller than me, but it doesn't count when the base of the tree starts at knee level.  for some reason our regular lights went m.i.a.  so mom, being very resourceful, put the giant outside lights on this tiny tree.  it only took one strand.  this was a tree fail (in my eyes).

for the past couple of years i have had a fake tree in my home, but i prefer a freshly cut tree.  there was a christmas that mom, sis and i were going to minnesota to celebrate the holidays.  mom didn't want to put up a tree, but sis and i were having none of that.  we begged and begged for a tree.  christmas just isn't the same without a tree.  that year we got to open gifts before the actual day.  so mom, again being very resourceful, made a construction paper, 4 sided christmas tree complete with drawn on ornaments.  she placed in the center of our round kitchen table adorned with the tree skirt and nestled the presents under the table.  although memorable this is yet another tree fail (in my eyes).

oh i'm not done.

i have another tree requirement.  i like branchy trees.  meaning i want there to be space enough for my ornaments to hang from their cute little hooks instead of lay on the outer surface sunbathing in the glow from the lights.  one holiday season a boyfriend of my mom's surprised us with a tree.  before i go any further, i am of the belief that a christmas tree is a pretty personal decision and this isn't really something that you "surprise" someone with.  if you would like to spread some cheer get a wreath. 

anyway, the surprise tree was one of those huge fluffy trees with the sunbathing type branches.  mom, still resourceful, tried to make it a branchy tree.  she took her loppers and started cutting out branches here and there.  for anyone who has thought of doing this, it doesn't work.  the tree ends up all patchy and uneven, sort of resembling of a person losing their hair.  for obvious reasons this was a tree fail.

in attempt to stay positive, my absolute favorite tree is flocked.  i absolutely adore a flocked tree.  besides the fact that it is beautiful there are some really great benefits to flocking your tree.  one, it is flame retardant.  whatever is used to flock the tree doesn't catch on fire.  bonus.  two, it is preserved.  the tree people put it on a stand and you don't have to water it, just put adorn it.  bonus.  three, since it is preserved you could potentially store it for the following year.  definitely a bonus, but i haven't tried this, i live in a tiny shoe box.  if you haven't ever tried a flocked tree i definitely recommend it.

anywho, happy holidays.  i hope you are having a successful tree year.

an open window...

 

 

 

over the course of the past few days i have been wrestling with my emotions.  no big surprise there, i seem to go through phases.  it might just be the time of year, but i feel like i am in a twilight zone.  the same question keeps getting asked.  yep that one i don't like to answer.  the few select people that i bare my soul to and am completely transparent with have all surfaced and asked the same darn thing. 

which means i am a walking rain shower of tears, i have deprived myself of adequate nourishment and sleep and have run at least two marathons in my head.  i'm physically drained, emotionally spent and looking for a reprieve.  while some would turn to solace in a bottle, numbing through a pill, sweating it out through excessive exercise or falling to their knees in prayer i turn to pen and paper.  i have been writing and writing in my personal journal. 

this silly question has really made me think (and write) about where i want to go with my life.  who i want to be a part of my future.  what do i have to do to make that happen.  i am still not totally clear on where or how, but through this process i have realized there are some people who are more important to me than i have realized.   more accurately, i have known their importance, just scared of what that means.

fear is an interesting emotion.  it can keep you paralyzed making it impossible to achieve your goals.  or keep you from being open to the greatest love you could imagine.  or make you silence your thoughts to avoid ridicule.  i've heard that you are supposed to face your fears.  but what if facing your fear means reopening a window that has been sealed shut?

as you know i believe in second chances.  i think that if you carefully, methodically and unselfishly unseal the window you have nothing to lose but could possibly gain your biggest dreams.  however if you unseal that window like a scorned lover wrapping your thoughts around a brick and hurling it through the center there may be too many pieces to navigate safely.  either way that window will never be the same. 

it was just a kiss...

 

it was just a kiss

 

before we are even aware of boys we are imagining our life happily ever after with prince charming.  once we are aware of boys every single one we entangle ourselves with we think maybe this is the one? 

the other night i was talking with a single guy friend.  we were talking about a girl.  they sometimes spend time together, but there has been no official talk of exclusivity.  when they are together he treats her like his girl, but when they aren't it is an out of sight out of mind kind of situation. sometimes they are intimate, but not always. 

 

i believe this is what is classified as casual dating.  or maybe it is called friends with benefits.  whatever you call it, i'm no good at this type of arrangement.  i'm the type of girl who needs to know where she stands in his life and if we are going to be honest, i want to be number one.  or at the very least the only woman.  but this story isn't about me. 

 

he was stating that she was wanting to label what they are and he was baffled that she thought they were anything at all.  if my mouth was full i would've spit my drink on him.  instead i let out a huge laugh.  followed by a you're kidding right?  he went into this long diatribe about how things were good, then they kissed and it changed everything.  he said it was just a kiss. 

why don't men realize that it isn't JUST a kiss?  if a man is treating a woman (regardless of regularity and regardless of whether they've had the talk or not) like she is his girlfriend and she's into him and then he makes a move... her next thought is the two of you sitting in rockers with gray hair watching your grandchildren play in the yard.  it was a good thing he didn't have a drink or else i would've been wearing it.  it was his turn to say you're kidding right?

the answer is NO.  i'm not sure why, blame it on disney, but we are programmed to daydream about our knight in shining armor.  we can't help it.  it just happens.  you know when someone has a near  death experience they see their life flash before their eyes?  this is kind of what women do, or at least me, our whole entire picture perfect future life flashes before our eyes. 

another example, this is a little more extreme.  i have a good male friend who is perpetually single, just like me.  there is one girl that he dated that stands out.  it might be because i couldn't pronounce her name, it sounded like i was clearing my throat.  which then made me laugh hysterically because i just couldn't understand how he could ever say hey hack-gurgle-hack-gurgle with a straight face. 

anyway, they were newly dating, he was going out of town and decided to ask her to come with.  then he was telling me about all the things he had booked for her while he was tied up with work stuff; massage, girly stuff, etc.  i'm pretty sure i said, wow you must really like this girl?  imagine my surprise when he said, i just don't want to be alone, and i like doing nice things for people?

well i couldn't disagree that having a handsome eligible man whisk me away for a weekend and pamper me sounded nice, but i would think there was a whole lot more meaning behind the reason for doing this.  i cautiously said are you sure you want to do that?  she is going to think you are going to get married.  he guffawed and replied what? you're crazy.  why would she think that?

am i completely off my rocker?  if a man i was recently dating pulled this shit i would think he was into me way more than just not wanting to be alone.  we already know what i would do if i was on the fence about him...i would run, but if i was wanting more from the fella i would think this move meant we are headed in the same direction on the same path.

he ended up taking her away then breaking up.  as predicted he broke her heart.  not on purpose.  he's just a guy who doesn't understand that we gals look at the same situation differently.  he wanted company she was thinking this guy is heading to the serious stage and allowed herself to fall. 

so fellas, i'm not saying you should be a jerk, keep your distance, or never do anything nice for the women (friends or lovers) in your life.  i just think you should be clear on what your intentions are.  truthfully i think this is fair either way. 



i'm good...

there aren't too many questions that make me uncomfortable, but there is one that always puts me on edge.  this particular question was asked this morning.  i answered with my standard, but was immediately called out and reasked.  you've got to love the people in your life who see right through your best bullshit.

how are you? 

 

this question is asked out of habit and the asker isn't really asking about your psyche.  this is a general filler question.  the person asking isn't looking for a deep answer, just an i'm good will be satisfactory.  i like this question, i can keep up my charade.

 

how are YOU?

 

this is an entirely different question.  an i'm good doesn't answer let alone pacify the asker.  this person wants to know if you are happy, sad, content, anxious, and anything and everything in between.  i don't like this question.  it requires that i not only be honest with myself but with the asker. 

 

i suppose i could've lied, but this is a true friend who is genuinely interested in my well being.  i feel that i owe this person my authentic self however uplifting or depressing my authentic self may be.  besides i think it is extremely healthy to have people in your life who you can be transparent with.

 

my real answer wasn't uplifting, inspiring or happy.  in fact i said happy might be a stretch.  there are many things that i can attribute to my discontent; the season, my period, missing my kids, or my hangover but these things are frosting.  the cake, i am trying to convince myself that i am content by filling my time with so many things that i'm exhausted. 

 

my mood since my morning conversation has been heavy.  i have spent the majority of my afternoon trying to direct my thoughts anywhere besides my discontent.  however this evening my thoughts refuse to be anywhere but directly in front of me.  i think it is good to face yourself even if it leaves you with tears carving canyons down your face.

so how am i?  i'm good in a not so good way, but it is just a phase and my time will come. the things i am not happy about will fix themselves when the time is right.  when was the last time you really asked yourself how am i?  better yet when was the last time you answered the question honestly and candidly?  

 

 

battle of the burgers...

in my town there are very few places to eat. unless of course you are partial to mexican or enjoy ordering through a loud speaker. recently we had two new restaurants open and of course everyone in town wants to try them. my ratchets and i have tried them both so i thought i would do a restaurant review.

 

 

restaurant #1: the blazing onion.  i'm not sure how far this franchise reaches across the united states and frankly i'm too lazy to look into it, but if you have one close to you and haven't eaten there yet, i say go, they have really good food for a burger joint.  however i have some major issues with the atmosphere of this establishment, especially since this is a "sit down" place.  from the moment you walk in, there is something different about this place. 

 

first of all you order from a kiosk.  there is a human standing at a slanted podium that you awkwardly sign your receipt on.  oh at this time you are supposed to include your tip for your "service" although you haven't experienced the service yet, but there is a giant sign that explains what you are tipping for.  i didn't read it.  the human hands you some cups and a number, then you find yourself a table.  you get your own beverages at a beverage station, unless it is alcohol then it gets delivered.  at the tables there are these touch screen computers that take up a lot of room.  this computer is for anything extra you have forgotten; ranch, more napkins, an additional burger, more fries, whatever.  the only human you have interacted with up until this point is the kiosk dude who took your order. 

 

all around the restaurant, if you want to call it that, i felt like i was helping myself in a glorified fast food joint, are giant screened tvs.  we counted almost 30.  they are hung back to back and surround you at every angle.  there were at least 5 different sporting events happening.  i noticed in the general dining area that the families, out to share a meal, were all looking at a different television, nobody was talking to each other.  i have a ginormous problem with this, the family dinner is a time to come together, not space out watching tv eating mindlessly.

 

then the food comes.  our "server" delivered our food and walked away.  i can't even recall if it was a male or female.  this human, at least i am assuming it is a human, i suppose it could've been a droid, never asked if we needed anything or made an attempt to interact with us at all. 

 

eating out should be an experience.  an opportunity to interact with humans you normally wouldn't.  in my opinion, this is not a place that encourages families to share a moment together.  this is a place where you can sit with each other, all get a sports fix, and eat a good burger.  i will say the burgers are really good, the price is reasonable, and the fries are fantastic. 

 

in case you were wondering, i didn't tip.  to all you waitstaff personnel who are probably screaming at me in your heads, i'm sorry.  but i think it is crazy to tip for service when there isn't anyone serving you.  yes someone else cooked my food (i hope he spit in it before it was cooked so at least the major germs were seared away), and yes someone delivered it to my table and i suppose someone cleans it up, but in my opinion that wasn't enough. 

 

 

 



restaurant #2: the ram.  again i have no idea how far this franchise reaches and i'm still too lazy to research it, but if you have near you and haven't gone, i say go.   this restaurant is the same type of set up; family dining, bar and a slew of burgers.  i instantly had a different reaction to the atmosphere of this establishment.

there was someone at the door, who opened it and greeted you.  now i'm not such a primadonna that i expect doors to be opened and a red carpet to roll out, and i would hate to be the door opener, but it is nice to be welcomed.  there was a traditional hostess and she escorted us to a cushy table.  our waitress ashley was quick to come to our table, introduce herself and ask how our days were.  the kids wanted chocolate shakes and she showed them a different shake (at no additional cost) that she thought they would like better, the dirt cup shake. 

this establishment is a dining experience.  the entire staff interacted with us; bussers, management, our server and others.  yes there were big tv's in the dining area, but there weren't as many and when i looked at other tables the humans were talking to each other instead of zoning out at a screen.  the price was about the same, but the service was ten times better. 

my complaint, the fries stunk.  i should say i'm not really a fry person, but when i do eat them i like them well done and seasoned.  these fries were soggy and naked, not a stitch of seasoning to be seen.  this strikes me as odd, because a waffle shaped fry lends itself to capture all the seasoning yumminess i'm surprised the chef hasn't capitalized on this.  anyway, these just weren't my favorite fries.

so there you go.  my official review of the two places.  i think they both have equally good food, but the atmospheres are very different.  i suppose depending on whether you enjoy your families company could predict which place you go to.  if you are sick of them and don't want to talk and just pack your face go to the blazing onion, however if you want to sit back, chat and eat go to the ram.

damsel, caregiver, tramp...

what kind of single woman are you?   i'm not really sure why this is coming up today, but i woke up with this thought.  outside of a few flings here and there i have been relatively single for the past three years.  throughout that time i have had the opportunity to see other single women and how they portray themselves in the hopes of attracting a man.  i say portray because i think we put an image out there, an enhanced version of our true self, all in the name of love.

 

there are three categories that i think we fall into, there is probably more, but these are three that come to mind quickly.  we have the damsel in distress, the ultimate caregiver, and the town tramp.  let's break this down...

 

damsel in distress:  we as women know that men are hard wired to be fixers.  they see a problem and they can't help but try and find a solution.  this type of woman is always in need.  this woman treats this man as if he is invaluable to them.  that they couldn't possibly survive if they didn't have the assistance of this man.  i think we all want to feel wanted, and a man will definitely feel appreciated and needed if he entangles himself with the damsel.

 

ultimate caregiver:  women are hard wired to be caregivers.  i think some women are better at this than others, but we all have it.  this type of woman gets off taking care of and pleasing her man.  the man who entangles themselves with the caregiver will be doted on.  if he plays his cards right (meaning he lets his woman know how much he appreciates the doting), he can expect to reap that benefit forever.

 

town tramp:  women aren't that different from men in the sense that we all need some lovin'.  to feel sexy and desired is vital to our self image regardless of gender.  this type of woman teeters around dripping sex, exuding her prowess in how she can please you in the bedroom.  i can only imagine that the man who entangles himself with this woman will be satisfied in his private time with her, but i'm going to suggest "gloving up" until the test results come back.

 

so, which category do you fall in to? 

 

i fall into the caregiver category.  it is no secret that i enjoy taking care of the special person in my life, the trick is finding someone who shows that they appreciate it.  i have never been the damsel, i accredit that to my mom.  as a youth i did chores that would be considered boy jobs the outside of the house stuff, i learned how to use a hammer, shovel, saw and power tools (not the personal kind folks).  i feel i am pretty self sufficient unless we are talking automotive and then i am clueless.  the town tramp, well not exactly my cup of tea, i would prefer to share myself with one man consistently.

 

at the end of the day it is all about balance.  whichever type of woman you are, there is a man who will thrive with you.  there is a small catch ladies, do not change who you are once you have them.  meaning, if you are the damsel then be the damsel, this is one of the reasons he fell for you in the first place.  i suppose there should be a little clarification as to the town tramp, if this is you, be the wonderfully adventurous sex kitten with just your man, he will love it.   

 

a humble thank you...

recently i went on a flo adventure.  an adventure orchestrated by a friend who will remain unnamed.  we went to the casino, a place i rarely go to, especially to gamble.  i was given an amount of money with the instructions whatever i win i get to keep, if i lose it all it wasn't mine to begin with.  so off we went.  i came away from the evening $240 richer than when i walked in.

what my friend didn't know is that this couldn't have come at a better time.  i was overdrawn in my checking account and wasn't getting another paycheck for a few days.  i was seriously wondering how i was going to put gas in my car and where the next gallon of milk was going to come from.

i heard a story the other day about a family that filed for bankruptcy and chose to lose their house instead of pulling their children out of private school and their activities.  in a way i completely understand this.  i don't want my children to feel the struggle from the choices that i have made that changed the course of their lives. 

i try really hard to not whine about my financial situation, because i know it isn't a lifelong sentence.  i will be able, once my kids are a little older, to work more hours and maybe go back to school.  at this point it just isn't feasible.  i do work very hard at living within my means.  there isn't a bunch of extras in our house, but we do spend lots of time being a family and keeping that bond strong.  i know in the long run my kids will remember all the nights we sit and play games way more than the pile of unused toys that clutter their rooms.

i am not sharing this story for sympathy.  it is more of a thank you.  a thank you to my friend for the fun flo adventure your timing was uncanny.  i was able to put a few extra things under my tree (that we don't have yet), gas in my car and food in my fridge.  a thank you to my family who fill in the gaps where i just can't make it work.  a thank you to my friends who treat my children like their own and shower them in love.  and a thank you to my landlord who puts up with a woman who struggles to make ends meet in a timely manner.

i know this is a season where we pile our living rooms with beautifully wrapped gifts, adorn our homes in spendor, throw and attend lavish parties, and come together as family.  i am hoping that we can all add giving back to our community to help everyone feel the magic of the season.