a sprawling homestead with lush green grass and sky skimming trees. a gravel road with a wooden bridge over a small creek that leads to a sturdy barn filled with bales of hay winds through the property. an enormous field lies behind the barn. old cars with layers of dust, tractors, aluminum boats, countless tools and miscellaneous farm equipment scatter the outbuildings. there is a rope swing that has been securely tied to an ancient tree that swings out over the small creek. the portrait of the idyllic American farming homestead. this is where is i spent my 4th of July, grandma's house. matt's grandma that is. it couldn't have been a more perfect place to celebrate the independence of our great nation.
to complete this picture perfect landscape was family; grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandchildren, neighbors who are more like family and all the "better halves". i did not grow up with extended family close by, i have my mom, dad and sis in this state with me. i have grown up seeing pictures of family gatherings celebrating birthdays, holidays, or just the random "let's get everyone together just because" gatherings, but rarely have i been a participant. to be invited and included in a family gathering is an honor, even if it isn't my family.
i was so excited about being with matt and sharing a holiday together that i think i forgot that being the new girl could possibly be awkward. i knew before going that there have been others before me. i also knew that the family is still fond of matt's last girlfriend. i don't know the length of their "togetherness" nor do i care, but i know that they still consider her part of the family and invite her to their gatherings. this is also something that doesn't bother me. i honestly feel that there is a reason that people connect, sometimes it doesn't always work as a long term intimate relationship, but that doesn't mean that the qualities that initially attracted you to someone aren't still there.
matt has a large family, he is the youngest of 6! there were lots and lots of introductions to made, hands to shake, names for me to remember and trying to figure out who was with who and how they were connected. his family definitely had the easier task, i am just one.
there were a few family members who took the introductions as a chance to rib matt. some of the jabs were a little nicer than others, but matt was quick to remind the not so nice commentors that the past is the past. i do not blame them for being wary of me, however i do my best to be accepting and open to others and don't quite understand people who create awkwardness.
it was a wonderful day filled with lawn games (ladder ball, lawn darts, croquet), food, family tradition, fireworks, conversation and the best part sharing it all with matt. that is until the ex showed up. now i have to say i don't see anything wrong with her coming, especially since she was invited. for however long, this was her family too and it is hard to lose the relationships you have built. i quietly watched how the family reacted to her arrival. most were happy to see her and greeted her with hugs. i did not receive that welcome, but then again i had just met these people of course that isn't how they would greet me. after a bit, i made my way to matt's truck for a break from "the show". i sat in the cab put on chapstick and checked my phone.
i could see matt coming my way and wasn't sure i wanted to explain why i had removed myself. so the old me would've made something up so i wouldn't have to share, but the me in this relationship with matt knows that he genuinely wants to understand me and hear what i have to say. i quickly gathered my thoughts so that i wouldn't come across as a whiny insecure child. "what's going on? are you ok?" "your family really likes her." "so" "well, i know it isn't a competition, but it seems like it might be hard to win approval from your family." matt grabbed my hands, looked me in the eye and said, "heather, once you are family you are always family. my family may really like her, but i don't. i love you." well i was an instant pile of mushy love. he coaxed me out of the truck gave me a huge hug and kiss, grabbed my hand and brought me back to the party. the rest of the night was super, the fireworks were fabulous and i even received some hugs when people left.
i won't always be the "new girl". his ex will most likely come to future family gatherings. his family may take a while to accept me as part of the gang and some may never accept me. the only thing i can do is treat his family the way i want to be treated, be who i am and trust in my relationship with matt.
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