13.1 miles...

six am, my alarm goes off, but i had woken up a few times prior to my alarm buzz.  it is race day, a day i have been dreading, because i know that i am NOT by any means ready.  when i signed up for the race, i was really gung ho.  i had months to prepare myself.  all was going great until school and the kid's sports schedules started.  about that same time, i slept funny and hurt my neck.  that took a good week and a half to feel better.  when my neck felt better then i lost enough daylight hours to continue training.  

so, six am and it's race day.  i laid in my bed thinking just don't go. nobody will ever know.  i wanted more than anything to fall back asleep and claim that i slept through my alarm.  i even thought out how i could "fake" that i ran the race, however i didn't feel very good about that, so i climbed out of bed, got dressed and headed out.

i really wasn't looking forward to thirteen miles of running.  the longest i had gone in my training was six, just shy of halfway mark. i knew i was going to struggle and i didn't want to struggle.  i have a healthy competitive side and really wanted to do my best.  

so there i am with 300 other female runners and five male runners.  some people were in crazy coordinated costumes and some, like me, were just in boring old running attire.  normally i get all swept up in the festivities of a race and join in the hooting and hollering at the start of the race, but this time i was very subdued having an internal conversation you can do this just keep moving forward. 

regardless of how much i'm training, the first mile is always the hardest one for me.  it takes me a good mile to find my groove, regulate my breathing, relax my shoulders, utilize my arms just right, adjust how hard i'm pounding my feet into the ground, and adjust my music device.  by the end of that first mile i've found my groove and things are generally going well.  

for this race, the end of the first mile was the start of a mile long winding descent on a mountain biking trail.  i kept thinking this is going to be rough as mile twelve coming back.  i kept my snail's pace on the trail but stayed light on my feet for the descent.  i have fallen more than once going down hill on a mountain trail and really didn't want a repeat performance. 

mile three was steep switch backs out of the valley we had just descended in to.  i haven't done much hill training, actually i haven't done any.  i don't like hills, they stink. at this point, i was behind two ladies barely running, but still running.  i was totally fine to follow them and trudge up that hill to the top because i knew i wouldn't over exert myself.

once we got to the top, i really found my groove.  the trail that we ran was an unpaved back woods type trail.  it was kind of gravely, wooded, with a heavy canopy over the trail.  the rain started about mile four.  for clarity, it had been drizzling from the beginning, but the heavens opened up and it really started raining around mile four.  it was somewhere in between miles four and five i found myself behind two ladies who trained together.  i could hear them talking about how far they've come as runners and were recalling how it wasn't that long ago and getting to just this point was hard for them.  i was kinda missing the camaraderie of having my own gal pal, but this was a personal challenge i had to do alone.

around mile six, the rains still coming down, my music stopped working, which also meant that my mileage tracker stopped working.  for awhile it was just me and my surroundings.  big rain drops from the trees above, that clean earthy smell you get when it rains, my feet hitting the ground, and my breathing.  it was actually really peaceful and i was feeling great.  at the turn around point my music and mileage tracker came back on, but i turned them both off because i was actually enjoying the peace of the run.  unlike most times when i have no background noise my mind is on its own journey, but for today i was just running.  

the return was going great until i hit mile nine.  i was feeling fantastic, my breathing was good, my lungs weren't tired, but my legs started protesting, actually they were yelling at me to stop running. in general i have pretty bad knees and hips, my knees actually hurt everyday, but i just ignore them, however the shooting pain coursing between my knees and hips was excruciating.  i thought to myself  you are not trying to get an olympic qualifying time, flo, there is no need to overdo it and injure yourself so i decided to walk. walking was definitely easier than the running, but my legs were really hurting.  i kept a brisk pace, trying to keep my heart rate up and i had a goal to finish by noon.  i was racing the clock at this point and although walking was easier on my legs, i didn't think i would be able to make the noon deadline. 

i had come so far, i was super proud that i was able to make it nine miles without stopping.  this accomplishment far exceeded what i thought i would be able to do, but i couldn't walk across that finish line.  mile thirteen and i started running again.  most people probably wouldn't really call it running, but it wasn't walking, skipping, jumping, or galloping so it must be considered running. every step hurt like the dickens, but i had to finish strong.  

overall it was a great experience.  i didn't meet my deadline, i missed it by 15 minutes, but i finished and finished strong which was far more important.  i will definitely be doing another half marathon, just because i AM going to run the whole darn thing.  i will probably pick a different race, maybe one that isn't a backwoods trail. and maybe next time i will find a running partner, because it would have been way more fun to do this with someone. 

until the next race...

turning in my mom card....

this morning i failed as a mom.  i know every mom has been there, so i know this isn't a defect in my mom skills, but i am still feeling the guilt.  i think overall i am damn good mom.  both my kids seem to have goals and passions, some of them i don't care for but they are true to themselves.  they both understand what proper hygiene is even if they don't want to comply.  they both have a healthy sense of humor most of the time at my expense.  they are both kind and respectful of every one except for each other. they both understand the importance of living a healthy active life even though they desire fried food, ice cream, candy and movie marathons.  really, i couldn't ask for better kids, but i'm telling you sometimes those angels trade in their halos for horns and forked spears and suck the very soul out of me.

how is it that kids can be the most selfish creatures walking on this planet?  i know kids are, by design, dependent on their grown ups to provide, instruct, and lead them; but there is a fine line between being a loving helpful mom and a glorified slave to your children.  in a fifteen minute span, this morning, i was the lucky recipient of at least nine demands disguised as requests:

mom, will you brush my hair?

mom, will you make me waffles for breakfast?

mom, will you get the knots out of my laces (as the shoes are thrown at me)?

mom, can i get my haircut after school?

mom, can you sign my reading log?

mom, will you rewrap my wrist bandage?

mom, can you find my under armor?

mom, can you pack me a lunch?

mom, you forgot insert anything that doesn't benefit mom!

mom?

Mom?!

MOM?!?!?!

i try really hard to answer these demands pleasantly.  you know trying to model good tone and behavior for my angels, but i admit as the demands persist my tone changes to exasperation.  the "yeses" and "whats" from the first demand change to an elevated, "WHAT? what could you possibly want that demands my immediate attention?" by the last demand. 

it's not that i don't enjoy assisting my angels when they truly need mom, because i do. but when i'm just as busy as they are getting ready in the morning, this isn't the time to make frivolous demands. what's a frivolous demand you ask?  mom, will you brush my hair? i'm standing in my robe, my hair is quickly drying into a medusa-esque style and my twelve year old wants me to brush her hair.  that is ridiculous, brush your own darn hair and while you're at it can you brush mine because i just don't feel like raising my arm above my head?  i'm guessing she would look at me like i was an alien from a foreign planet.

or this mom, can you find my under armor? again, i'm in my robe, with my hair quickly drying into a medusa-esque style and my ten year old wants me to find their clothes? this is also ridiculous, i don't wear my son's clothes, i don't undress my son when he wants to change, so no i can't help you find the clothes you wore, took off, and probably stashed somewhere in your room other than your laundry basket.  maybe if you took two seconds to put your clothes in the laundry basket so i could wash them and then put your clothes away you could actually find them, but since we are making ridiculous demands hey son, can you find my pink bra?  i have like 10 other bras but i like that one the best and i haven't been able to find it.  i'm pretty sure he would decline my request.   

so, basically i lost my mind this morning.  i just couldn't hack the constant barrage of demands, on top of the messy house that i know i will have to ask for help to put back in order, on top of my own personal things that i still needed to get to like get dressed, attend to my hair and make my own lunch, all to get out of the door on time to pick up my carpool kids.  a flurry of words, some not kid appropriate, flew out of my mouth at rapid speed with one basic message:

i am ONE person!

handle some of your own stuff!

hopefully tomorrow will go better.  

my morning shock...

when i was a teenager, my sister and i used to torment my mom's husband.  we would let our cat, elliott, lick the butter before our stepdad would use it to on his toast.  we would sit at the kitchen table just waiting, then snicker when he would sit down to eat it.  we also had another trick that we played on him quite often...

every morning he would come downstairs dressed for work: slacks, button up shirt, dress shoes and a tie.  every morning, for an extended period of time, we would put a rubber band on the spray nozzle and turn it so it was aimed directly at anyone who stood in front of the sink.  every morning, we sat at the kitchen table eating our breakfast ready for the show that we knew would happen.  he would go to the sink, lift the handle to turn on the water, and get sprayed smack dab in his chest with the water from the nozzle.  my sister and i would break out in hysterical laughter.  he would have some choice words to say to us before going upstairs to change his clothes.

ah, the good old days.

you know how they, whoever they are, say karma will get you?  well i really dislike when they are right, but karma came and bit me in the rear this morning.  it's six in the morning, i've already been up crying while chopping onions, mincing garlic, and browning beef for the beef and barley soup that's simmering in my crock pot.  i've had a half of cup of coffee and my alarm is going off because it is time for me to get in the shower.

i trudge upstairs to the only bathroom in my house with a shower.  set my robe on the counter.  pull the shower curtain open a bit.  turn on the water to hot, because i like a really hot shower.  then pull the tab up, so the water comes out of the shower head instead of pouring out of the spout.  these are the same steps i go through every morning, but this morning there was a surprise waiting for me.  i should give you a little more info on my shower.

i have one of those shower heads that comes out of a holder so you can hold it in your hand and spray the tub out, or pretend you are at the hair salon and rinse your hair like the stylist does, or wash your pets, or any other activity that would require you to have a movable shower head.  i rarely touch the shower head.  i have no real reason to remove it from the holder, unless i am scouring the tub and need to rinse it down. sometimes though the shower head gets moved.  this morning was one of those times.  i pulled the tab to have the water come out of the shower head and got blasted in the face.

this is a shocking way to start your shower, mostly because i wasn't functioning in fully caffeinated mode, i was only half caff at this point.  so i fumbled with the shower curtain to close it back up and stop blasting myself in the face.  then snaked my arm around the closed shower curtain to turn the shower head back to where it should be.  the rest of my shower went great.

at breakfast, i posed the question do either of you know how the shower head gets turned facing out? ash quickly and emphatically denied knowing anything about it. miss p was slower in her response, but said yep, i like to pretend i'm at the hair dressers when i rinse my hair.  i tell them the story about my shower experience, which obviously put them both in stitches and left them with the following warning.

if this happens again

i will come into your room

while you are sleeping

and douse you in water

then leave

i always tell my kids we aren't a "tit for tat" kind of family, but in this instance, i'm comfortable with the tat. 

almost race day...

so i'm two weeks out from my first half marathon.  i have to admit that i am far from ready for this darn race.  when i signed up i was super excited, very motivated, and running.  you kind of need all three things to be successful at this organized race thing.  so let me tell you what's been going on.

weather: i was running into a problem with the heat.  i'm not a good heat person. even just sitting in the sun to enjoy a dining experience is tough for me when it is hot. in fact just the other night i was out to dinner with a friend and i was sweating balls.  i looked like i had gone swimming, my dress was dripping, i had sweat running from my neck to my feet, and i wasn't exerting any energy at all. so, i can't run in the heat, i probably would pass out from heat exhaustion.  to combat the heat, i switched to running in the mornings.  running in the mornings sucks.  doing an activity before i have my coffee is one of the dumbest things i've ever heard of, but i was doing it.  this brings me to the next issue...

time:  so i'm a pansy and can't hack the heat leaving me with the option of running in the cool morning.  daylight hours started to impact the mornings.  i was having to wait for it to be light enough outside which left me with not enough time to complete the distance needed before i had to get ready for work.  naturally if it is taking longer in the morning to brighten up, it is getting darker in the evening sooner, which rules out evening running.  i'm not the girl who is comfortable to run, by myself, when it is getting dark. my self defense ninja type skills aren't quite up to par.

injury:  somehow i injured my neck during a fitful night's sleep.  i sleep alone, sometimes with a cat, but generally alone, so i'm not sure what i was doing, but i woke up unable to turn my neck from side to side or look up or down.  that took place 2 1/2 weeks ago and i'm still stiff in the neck.  there was no way i could possibly run during that time.  it took everything i had to make it through the day without overdoing it.

all of these factors, weather, time and injury have left me without enough time to be prepared how i would like to be for race day.  bummer.

i'm still going.  i figure the race is 13.1 miles, i will run a mile, take a break at the mile marker, catch my breath, then run the next mile.  i will do this 13 times until i cross that finish line.  this is not how i envisioned running my first half, but it's going to have to do.

on a side note, i'm going to need a treadmill.  anyone willing to part with their dusty clothes rack?

be amazing...

in the time of selfie's 

something pretty awesome happens 

when you ask a random stranger to take your picture  

here we are with our best smiles

hips popped

legs cocked

 you name it we are posing at our best

but our random stranger wasn't satisfied with a boring posed shot

she tells us be amazing!

we don't really know what in the world she is talking about, but here you go

not quite done, but we are on our way

for three long time friends from small town lake stevens

this is what amazing looks like to us. 

mishaps of river floating...

my annual girls weekend brings me to leavenworth in a big beautiful house right on the river. don't ask me what part of leavenworth, because i've never paid that much attention, i'm just happy to be there.  it's a weekend full of laughter, copious amounts of food, some adult beverages, sunbathing, and a little mischief.  this weekend i had one goal: even out my tan.

about a month before the trip, i was out on my friend's boat for the evening.  we were just shooting the breeze when he said, "heather, you have a tan line that runs right down the side of your body."  huh?  what is he talking about, so i look.  sure enough, since i generally sit out in the sun with my backside to a lawn chair, only the front of me is tan.  instantly that friends episode where ross goes to the spray tan place pops in my head, "i'm an 8!!" at this point i have a fairly nice tan on my front side but the back is the same pasty white winter shade.  i tell him that i hate laying out in the sun on my stomach because i feel like i am suffocating. not sure if anyone else feels this way, but it seriously keeps me from tanning my backside.

i figure while i have two full days of sun soaking to do, i can plop onto on inner tube and hopefully even things up a bit.  so there i am, floating the river, tethered to shore so i don't get lost, and soaking up the rays. it was pretty peaceful and i didn't feel like i was suffocating.

if you look closely you can see the shore on the other side of the river.  it wasn't a really wide river, but wide enough that you should be able to float without chance of injury.  yes, there is a story coming.

day two of floating in the river, evening out my tan, and we have visitors.  a small group of fishermen casting their lines into the river.  the swirls of water behind me are apparently a good place to cast your hook.  so i'm floating with my back end towards the other shore, my friend ana is floating next to me and we are cackling about something, when all of a sudden my left arm is hit.

it felt like a rock had hit my arm.  i yelped, "ouch" and started looking around.  about the same time ana noticed that she had a fishing hook lying across her chest.  it was then i realized what hit my arm was the weight on the line to sail the hook through the air.

i look behind me at the yahoo that is trying to "catch" us and he is reeling like mad. ana starts yelling at him to "wait, wait!"  i don't know if he realized he has hooked ana, but it takes several attempts to get him to stop reeling in his line.  ana successfully unhooks herself and tosses his line far away from us.  she survived without injury, i on the other hand suffered a lump and bruise from the weight.

you would think that we would hear a "sorry about that" from the other side of the shore, but no. those darn fishermen said nothing.  in fact they just kept casting right where we were floating.  our fishermen friends were there most of the day. unfortunately for them, they never caught a thing.  all that work for nothing.

just for your viewing pleasure, here is that clip of ross and the spray tan.  i love this episode!

one is the loneliest number...

i purposely keep myself uber busy.  my days start at the crack of dawn and end when the sun goes down.  either i am at work, running kids all over the county, filling my head with school stuff, or on an adventure with family and friends.  i don't usually give myself too much of a break.  so last night, as i sat in my living room sort of watching a movie that i had really wanted to see, sipping on a beer that i usually really like but didn't like last night, i realized how lonely i was.  my eyes kept wandering to the vacant side of my couch and my mind kept wondering who was ever going to fill that vacant side.

there are aspects about sharing your life with someone that i truly miss.

1. conversation:  you know the back and forth of sharing your day.  even if you don't want to hear the specifics of their day, there is someone, an adult, that can't wait to talk to you. usually that person asks about yours and you froth at the mouth because you can't wait to tell them about something.  when you live without another adult there isn't another person to actually talk to.  sure i can text the message to someone, "hey suzie you will never guess what happened today?!" but it just isn't the same as watching someone engage in your day.  seeing them either light up and become completely engrossed or even when they tune you out and you punch them in the arm spouting off, "dude are you listening?!".

2.  snuggling:  after my kids go to bed, either i watch a show that i get from netflix (still on disc in the mail) or i read on my couch or in bed.  physical contact with another person is something i crave.  i'm not even talking sexual contact, just physical contact.  sitting close enough to each other that you feel their warmth.  maybe you touch feet every now and then.  maybe you wriggle your way under the crook of their arm and nestle in beside them.  whatever kind of contact, it is important to me and i miss having that contact on a regular basis.

3.  going on adventures:  i like to do things.  i am busy, i drag my kids all over tarnation experiencing life.  if my kids aren't around, i tend to go on adventures alone, but darn it, it would be so much more fun if i had to someone in my life to share that with.  for me adventures don't have to be big, planned out ordeals.  anything outside of the normal day to day routine is an adventure in my book.  for example the other night i was with a friend and we were trying to open a beer bottle with a quarter and a magnet (something i had seen on my facebook newsfeed).  it sounded so far fetched we had to try.  it didn't work, but for those ten minutes we were engaged in the activity we laughed, problem solved, and ribbed each other for thinking it would actually work. it was awesome, we were experiencing life together.

now i recognize that sharing your life with someone brings just as many hiccups as good things, but isn't that the whole point?  having those uncomfortable moments allows us to grow as individuals as well as a couple, which means that the good things about sharing your life with someone are just that much better.

anyway, i still don't know who is going to fill the vacant side of my couch (and bed) and honestly i'm not that worried about it.  when it's right it will happen and i will adjust my life to include someone else.  until then i will stay super busy experiencing life and being me.