one is the loneliest number...

i purposely keep myself uber busy.  my days start at the crack of dawn and end when the sun goes down.  either i am at work, running kids all over the county, filling my head with school stuff, or on an adventure with family and friends.  i don't usually give myself too much of a break.  so last night, as i sat in my living room sort of watching a movie that i had really wanted to see, sipping on a beer that i usually really like but didn't like last night, i realized how lonely i was.  my eyes kept wandering to the vacant side of my couch and my mind kept wondering who was ever going to fill that vacant side.

there are aspects about sharing your life with someone that i truly miss.

1. conversation:  you know the back and forth of sharing your day.  even if you don't want to hear the specifics of their day, there is someone, an adult, that can't wait to talk to you. usually that person asks about yours and you froth at the mouth because you can't wait to tell them about something.  when you live without another adult there isn't another person to actually talk to.  sure i can text the message to someone, "hey suzie you will never guess what happened today?!" but it just isn't the same as watching someone engage in your day.  seeing them either light up and become completely engrossed or even when they tune you out and you punch them in the arm spouting off, "dude are you listening?!".

2.  snuggling:  after my kids go to bed, either i watch a show that i get from netflix (still on disc in the mail) or i read on my couch or in bed.  physical contact with another person is something i crave.  i'm not even talking sexual contact, just physical contact.  sitting close enough to each other that you feel their warmth.  maybe you touch feet every now and then.  maybe you wriggle your way under the crook of their arm and nestle in beside them.  whatever kind of contact, it is important to me and i miss having that contact on a regular basis.

3.  going on adventures:  i like to do things.  i am busy, i drag my kids all over tarnation experiencing life.  if my kids aren't around, i tend to go on adventures alone, but darn it, it would be so much more fun if i had to someone in my life to share that with.  for me adventures don't have to be big, planned out ordeals.  anything outside of the normal day to day routine is an adventure in my book.  for example the other night i was with a friend and we were trying to open a beer bottle with a quarter and a magnet (something i had seen on my facebook newsfeed).  it sounded so far fetched we had to try.  it didn't work, but for those ten minutes we were engaged in the activity we laughed, problem solved, and ribbed each other for thinking it would actually work. it was awesome, we were experiencing life together.

now i recognize that sharing your life with someone brings just as many hiccups as good things, but isn't that the whole point?  having those uncomfortable moments allows us to grow as individuals as well as a couple, which means that the good things about sharing your life with someone are just that much better.

anyway, i still don't know who is going to fill the vacant side of my couch (and bed) and honestly i'm not that worried about it.  when it's right it will happen and i will adjust my life to include someone else.  until then i will stay super busy experiencing life and being me.