Wednesday, August 13, 2014

being groomed...

funny thing about asking for inspiration, you go with a topic and then it brings up other ones.  so the same individual that suggested is the grass greener then asked, "is an emotional affair real?" 

have you ever had one of those moments where you want to reach through a screen and slap someone up side the head shouting, "yes, you fool!"  well, that was my reaction when the above question was asked.  thankfully i'm not a violent person, nor do i have super powers to reach through screens, because the question asker would've found himself with a wild cat to deal with.

i can only speak from my personal experience, but i know that my involvement with a man emotionally, eventually turned into something physical.  i can say with complete honesty, that this was never my intention.  i wasn't seeking affirmation, attention or passion from an outside source.  I can't pinpoint when the dynamics between us changed, but they did and i've had to live with that course of events ever since.

an emotional affair is a grooming process.  when my contact with this other person started, it was casual, platonic and never had the inkling of crossing a moral or physical line.  we were friends, i was married, he knew that, nothing was ever going to change, end of story.  except that wasn't the end of the story, the frequency of our contact increased, which led to a shift of context within the contact.  at some point, a dependency for the contact, a desire for more, and an intrigue of what was to come started to bloom within me.  before i knew it, the feelings associated with this other person held value even though i knew i shouldn't be feeling this way. 

all of this, all the feelings, the desire, and the intrigue developed without any sexual physical contact.  it wasn't until much later that the physical line was crossed.

i should stop here and say, i am not blaming this other person for putting me in this position.  i was, by all accounts, open to the friendship and an active participant in it's evolvement.  i trusted he had my best interest in mind and wasn't massaging the situation for his benefit.  years later, i still don't think the progression our friendship took was an intentional, calculated plan, even though some close to me beg to differ. anyhow, let's take a look at the grooming process.

Me: hey, how's it going?  i have a question, do you know where i can get (insert something)?
Him: hey, not bad. you?  yes, i do (answer to the question)
you exchange a couple of basics about general life, nothing specific.  a couple of days go by

Me:  hey.  thanks for the info, worked out great.
Him: hey.  no problem. catch you later.
this kind of stuff happens over several weeks maybe even months. then a little slip up happens a dirty joke, or the use of a pet name, or maybe even a "i was just thinking about you."  instead of shutting down this type of interaction or ignoring it, you play along and have now given the green light that you are okay with this type of interaction.  jump forward a week or two, a month or two, after playing along and now your interaction might go something like this.

Him:  morning sunshine.  what are you doing today? 
Me:  hi! i'm not sure yet.  do you want to get a cup of coffee?
now the pet name and the morning "wake-up" text is a frequent occurrence.  you start seeing this person on occasion but the face to face interaction is still within "friend" limits, even though your text conversations are crossing a line.  at this point there is still an opportunity to go back, but if this is the only source you are getting the warm fuzzies from it is really hard to ignore.

Him: morning sunshine.  any chance i can see you today?
Me: yes, I will figure out how to make that work.
at this point, you need the interaction and the physical proximity.  your exchanges have nothing to do with general information anymore it' s all about how you will see this person, complaining about the person you are committed to (to this other person), and maybe even planning out how you can make this a permanent thing. most likely you are hiding all forms of communication with this person.  even if you aren't sexually involved with this person (at this point) every other part of you is focused on this person. 

in my opinion, from personal experience, unless you shut down the borderline interaction from the get go, no matter how great your intentions are, it is really easy for things to progress without realizing how invested you are becoming.  like i said, i wasn't looking for affirmation, attention or passion from an outside source.  i didn't even realize that it was something that i was lacking until it started coming from an outside source. once it was being handed to me on a platter it was too tempting to turn away from.

i truly believe if you and your partner continue to "date" each other and actively work at keeping your relationship fresh and fun, there isn't a reason to be tempted by the forbidden apple.  this is just my theory. i am a divorced woman who hasn't had a serious relationship in three years, what do i really know?

anyway, the individual who asked the question and i, have had private conversations about this topic.  i am one hundred percent positive that an emotional affair is a real affair, whether or not it turns into a physical affair isn't the issue.  the point is you are engaging in intimate contact with a person outside of your committed relationship.  it is as simple as that for me.  however, the individual who posed the question is still on the fence saying, "i'm still not sure if the emotional affair is fabricated or factual". 

you now know my thoughts, what are yours?  is an emotional affair a "real" affair?

Monday, August 11, 2014

but first...

quick story because it just happened
and only this kind of stuff happens to me!

it is my lady time.  a couple of days early, but that is okay because this time i am prepared.  kind of.  i am using the facilities here at work to swap out my lady gear.  i am poised and ready to insert when the darn thing flips out of my hand and lands in the toilet bowl.

gasp!

i look between my legs into the bowl and the darn thing is swelling at rapid speed, sucking up all the water from the bowl.  i am kind of impressed at how much this thing holds, but that is way off track, i have an emergency.

what the heck am i supposed to do now?!

i only have the one and it is already in use.  it's 4:20 in the afternoon, almost time for me to head home.  well like any resourceful gal, i wad up some toilet paper, arrange it in my skivvies and ask to go home. 

but first, i had to share another mishap in flo's life. 




time to go home!

when will i learn...

i'm grumpy and tired
sick of many things
been feeling out of sorts
and although i can pinpoint
the angst
it's not fair to share details
because like always
it doesn't involve just me

so i will share just the thoughts in my noggin

i don't want to be your bandaid
your rug to wipe your feet on
your cheerleader to make you feel better
your cozy place to rest your head
or your nurse to ease your pain

unless you are all of those things for me

all relationships are give and take
if you are always giving
you feel used
if you are always taking
you should feel guilty

when will i ever learn
probably never
i am always going to be someone
who shares what i have to give
to the people around me
regardless of the type of relationship
we share
i simply don't know another way
to be me

Friday, August 8, 2014

conservative sexy...

conservative sexy.  those two words don't really go together.  when i think of the word conservative, an image of a woman wearing clothes with very little skin showing pops into my head.  she dresses in a way not to draw too much attention to her womanhood.  on the other hand, the word sexy conjures a completely different image in my head.  this woman is purposely drawing attention to her womanhood as if she is advertising she is ripe for the taking.  so what in the world is conservative sexy?

when i go out on the town, i don't dress overly provocative.  i may wear a simple pair of jeans and tee with a pair of sexy heels, or a body conscious outfit with an oversized cardigan and flats, or a pair of skinny jeans, loose top and boots.  i tend to pick one piece that is a little sexy and eye catching but keep the rest fairly simple and conservative.  you are not going to find me in a low cut top, painted on jeans, and sexy heels.

i have a few reasons for this.  one, i'm not comfortable in such revealing clothes.  i will be revealing for you in the privacy of my own home, but i don't need every tom, dick, and harry sizing up my groceries.  two, if that is the look a man is into, he would be really disappointed if i saw him again since i don't normally dress like that.  three, it just seems like i'm trying too hard to be noticed dressed that way. 

over the weekend, my girlfriends and i went to the local karaoke bar.  we had been at the river all day, it was 90 degrees outside, and we were just looking to sing a few songs.  we all put on nicer clothes than we would have if we were just sitting around the house, but none of us were pimped out.

wife beater, camo cargo skirt, and flip flops

okay so my skirt is a little short, but i have a test on when it is too short.  when you sit down, if your crotch is making contact with the seat...too short.  i really don't want to bump uglies with a stranger by sitting down on a seat.  so my rule of thumb is to make sure there is a barrier of fabric (my clothes) in between my crotch and whatever crotch was sitting there before me.

anyway, we got to the place, found a table, and settled in for the night. it wasn't long after we sat down that a table of young men meandered over, taking their turns trying to butter us up, but we weren't biting.  they gave up pretty quickly, but the right prey came through the door not long after.

a group of loud, scantily dressed ladies, oozing "buy me a drink i will make it worth your while" entered. nosy me watched how quickly the men snatched them up and how easily these ladies slipped into their role. i leaned over to my friend and said, "are you watching those ladies?"  she hadn't been watching, but joined me.

the young man who had previously hit on me was now wrapped all around a tall drink of water in a dress that looked like a shirt with no pants and five inch heels. in a matter of moments they were very cozy and looked as if they had been an item for months.

i leaned back over to my friend and said, "i could find a man being like that."  she looked at me, we both said "eww" at the same time, then belly laughed at ourselves.

i don't plan on becoming one of those slutty bar whores in the near future, but it baffles me at how many ladies are comfortable in that role, yet they are the same ones that complain that men only want them for sex. come on ladies, we can definitely do better.  put on some clothes and stop reducing yourselves to just a piece of ass for a lousy drink. and men, if you just want a piece of ass, buy the "pussy and ass" from the sex shop down the road.  this lovely contraption won't ever tell you "she" has a headache, willing let's you enter the back door, and "she" won't become emotionally attached to you.

i know i can't change the world, but i can keep making noise.