i seem to talk about dating a lot, but dating does seem like the only semi interesting thing that happens to me. the rest of my life is a predictable laundry list of "to-do's". nobody cares about that stuff, and to be honest, nobody really cares about my dating life either, except for me. regardless, here is another installment of flo's dating life.
about three years ago, sitting in one of my favorite bars, i had a discussion with a fella. we were comparing our "must-haves" in a potential partner. mine are pretty basic: employed, financially responsible, active (no couch potatoes), good sense of humor, and someone who is taller than me. when i mentioned the height thing, the fella i was with scoffed. he said at this point in his life, height was irrelevant, he was looking for a real connection with another human. in my head, i said, yeah, that's because you are short.
fast forward a couple of years. my list hasn't really changed. i still would like my dude to be employed, financially responsible, good sense of humor, and active. if i got to walk into a store and pick out my ideal guy physically, he would have dark hair, blue eyes and stand around 6 feet tall. he would rock some facial hair (i love facial hair), maybe wear glasses (i really dig the nerdy glasses type), would have a smaller frame (i don't like my guys too broad), and he would have an inviting happy face, the kind that you never get tired of looking at. i get there is a lot of emphasis on the physical traits, but we are talking the perfect dude: physically, mentally, and whatever else you consider when hand picking the perfect partner.
anyway, height has always been a must-have for me. i have always equated taller than me with a safety thing; he will be able to protect me because he is bigger. bigger in height. bigger in body mass. bigger in bravado. i have admittedly bypassed all men that are the same height or shorter than me, but is that really fair? probably not.
here's the deal, i have had this ideal in my head and so far what i have thought i'm looking for hasn't worked. the men i've met, who check off all the must-have boxes, haven't been ideal, in fact they have been complete disasters. is it because i just haven't met the right person? probably. should i expand my scope and not be so focused on the physical must-haves? maybe.
i'm beginning to think that maybe my wise friend, from a few years ago, is on to something. could it be that i have spent too much time focusing on appearance i have missed an opportunity to really connect with someone? it just might be time to expand my scope and not exclude a whole class of people who weren't given the gift of height.
just so we are clear here, this is not to say that i am entertaining actual hobbits the ones with hairy feet. it might be time, but i do have a threshold. (wink)
2 comments:
I think it's a very wise decision to open up your 'wish' list a bit. I definitely have a physical type that I'm attracted to. Once I began to date, I threw it out the window. I'm so glad I did! I met some really amazing men who are still my friends now, who weren't my physical ideal. Each one of them taught me something new about myself, we had REALLY fun dates, and I absolutely cherish their friendship. And THEN! My physical ideal showed up, and he seems to also be my match every other way as well. I think that by not discounting those other daters based on that physical ideal, I put myself in a much better place to really get to know those men, know more about myself, and essentially set myself in a position to be ready for my current relationship. Throw out the physical ideals, and GO FOR IT FLO! ;)
Anon...wise advice. thank you for sharing your experience.
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