depends & pull-ups...

when you are in the dating scene, and still of child bearing age, the question of do you want more kids? comes up a lot.  this is a question that i hate answering.  i have a very well thought out, definite answer...

i do NOT want to birth anymore children that i have to keep. 

at this point in my life i am not looking for a potential parent for the children that i currently have or future children that i don't ever intend on having.  i am wanting a partner for me.  someone to share my life with. call it selfish, but my children are almost teens and in the homestretch of being under my constant care, it is time for me to invest my time with someone who is going to be there when my children are out of the house. besides my selfish need of wanting a man for me, and not for my kids, i have four pretty solid reasons on why i'm good with the children i have. 

my age.  i am on a slippery slope into 40.  this may not seem like a huge deal, there are plenty of women who have children in their 40's, but i don't want to be one of them.  i don't want to have to wait until i'm 60 before my flock has flown the coop.  every year i seem to feel more exhausted, more run down and require heavier dose of coffee to supplement my existence.  i can't imagine getting up every two hours to feed a newborn, or schlepping around 30 pounds of crap everywhere until they are of school age, or finding the patience to potty train, deal with teens, or trying to keep up with the twenty something moms at the play ground.  i'm sorry, but if i'm in depends and my toddler is in pull-ups i will cry. 

money.  raising children is crazy expensive, there is no denying that.  it is likely that any man i decide to link my life with will already have children of his own.  two seems to be a popular number, so we will most likely have four kids between us already.  that is a lot of people to take care of: weddings, college educations, clothing and feeding them.  to add another one in there makes my head spin and seems financially irresponsible in this day and age.  as a single mom who is by no means wealthy, supporting my two ratchets is a big task in and of itself. 

risk.  nobody goes into marriage and having kids thinking i can't until we are divorced, raising our kids in separate homes with different rules and splitting visitation. if you think that, please, please don't get married or have kids.  having an ex-husband when you have kids is still like having a husband.  i still have to coordinate schedules with him and talk to him about the kids, this is something that is never going to go away.  statistics show that second marriages have less of a success rate than first marriages do.  so here we go, i get married again, have a child with that man, we get divorced and now i have to coordinate my life and my kid's lives with two ex-husbands.  i already have a hard enough time managing a schedule with one ex, i really don't want to have to juggle birthdays, holidays, weekends, summer vacations, etc. with two ex-husbands.  i would rather have my teeth pulled out one by one with a pair of pliers. 

love.  i don't ever want my kids to feel like i am replacing them with a new shiny kid.  stick with me for a minute.  i remember what it is like to have a baby.  you gush and swoon all over that little thing.  so then my kids, and his kids, are going to see us fawning over this new baby that we've made from our love for each other.  i don't think i would intentionally treat my kids, or his kids differently, but i know for a time that my focus would shift from my kids to this new shiny kid who need,s and should have, my undivided attention. i'm not sure if this makes any sense, but in my head it makes perfect sense.

sometimes real grown up problems are a drag.  i recently met a man that i like, but he wants more kids.  it is unfair for me to expect him to change his mind, just like it is unfair for me to change my mind and honestly a few years ago, i was more open to the idea, but at this point it is a deal breaker for me.