name calling...

are you a name caller?

when i was married, we had couple friends.  there was one couple in particular that used to call each other names.  they would call each other things when they were happy or mad, in a joking or a dead serious manner, to each other's faces and behind each other's backs.  i always found the way they spoke to each other offensive and was thankful that my husband didn't speak to me that way.  for the record he never did, we had our problems but name calling was never a weapon we used. 

i still find name calling offensive, even when used in a joking manner.  if you want to know something, name calling is a hard line for me and certainly something i won't put up with.  so where is the line?

i am huge fan of pet names or nicknames.  my phone is riddled with crazy names that i use to reference people.  my mamma friends all have nicknames most of them were created around their last names: duedue, shreddie, schaff, kkc, bethy, TT and trickey.  i have friends that i have met through social media sites and i use their screen names as my identifier: RustyWoodenRobot, practically dead, sasquatch and artifice. sometimes i use a noticeable feature as my identifier: 6'10" or saw hat.  there are folks who are identified by their profession: boss man, blazing onion and mandeals.   i also have friends that i call things that have nothing to do with who they are, it just makes me laugh like landscaper and puppy.  as you can see, i am big with nicknames, it helps me remember who people are and how i know them.  however, this isn't at all what i am talking about.

let's say you are me (a woman by all accounts) and you are talking with a fella.  there is some friendly banter going on, you are both making wisecracks and then he says, "oh whatever bitch."  if you are me, all friendly banter stops.  i look at this person with a slack jaw.  red lights, red flags and sirens are going off in my head.  i say, "excuse me?"  "i was just kidding. lighten up."  maybe you have a short conversation about not enjoying being referenced that way, log it into your brain and move on.   

okay let's try out another phrase.  what would you do if the person you are with says, "i didn't know the person with me was going to be a snatch hole."?  i immediately say, "why are you calling me a dirty word?"  "that's not a dirty word."  "uh, yeah it is.  would you say it to a ten year old?"  "no." "dirty word."  

hard line has just been drawn.

did the person throwing down the words realize that they had just crossed the line?  probably not.  in my experience there are groups of people, they usually tend to be folks who don't spend time around kids, who just don't recognize that the words in their everyday language are not always appropriate for every scenarios.  when you only spend time around adults, there really isn't a reason to sensor your words.  i know i use some different words when i am not around kids.

would i have taken the comment differently if one of my closest girlfriends had said it?  possibly.  with my mamma friends, we have established friendships, our own dialogue with each other, and an understanding with each other.  with that said, i've never said, "oh please, c-u-next-tuesday".  regardless of how great our friendship is that would be crossing a line.  however, saying "oh please whore" is completely kosher.

besides the fact that i just don't like name calling, i have a solid reason for feeling this way.  name calling with a negative undertone, regardless of the context (joking or serious), is offensive.  i think if you are comfortable throwing around words with a negative undertone as jokes when you are angry those "joking" words now hold value and you mean them in the manner they are meant.  i'm all for a healthy argument, but attacking someone verbally with nasty words is immature and uncalled for.

now that you know where i stand on name calling tell me about you.  are there words that you tolerate from certain people that you wouldn't from others?  do you have a line that once it is crossed there is no going back?  is name calling a part of your repertoire?