Thursday, January 29, 2015

superman, i'll never be...

for the most part, i am totally okay with getting older.  i don't mind the increasing wrinkles around my eyes and mouth.  i don't mind the few random gray hairs.  i don't mind that i rarely get carded, but want to kiss the person that asks to see my id.  i don't mind that i am completely out of touch with young adults.  i don't mind that night driving is becoming increasingly difficult.  i don't even mind that i wear readers when doing extensive computer work.

however, there are a few things that i really don't care for.  one of them has to do with my chin hairs, aka speaker wires.  i only have two, like a catfish, and they are the thickest darkest hairs i have ever seen. sometimes i think i should keep them, because they are so strong i could probably use them to stab someone if i was ever attacked, but i quickly change my mind choosing vanity over safety.

i don't really care for the fact that my "winter ass" is now a year round ass.  i know that i can easily remedy this, but i make every excuse under the sun not to.  my biggest issue with my winter ass is that it limits my wardrobe choices.  you all know i have a giant wardrobe, but there are several things that i really want to wear and i cannot get into them.  sometimes i fudge that a little, like today.  i get to bethy's house this morning and she takes a quick look at my outfit and says, "i feel like you need to tuck."  my shirt is over the waist band of my skirt.  i replied, " i can't do that." "why?" "i can't zip my skirt up all the way!" in between the giggles bethy was able to say, "i love you!"

my newest ailment, if you can call it that, is really bothering me. i have been noticing that my foot has been bothering me.  it's not a constant pain, or even a shooting pain, but more of a dull ache taunting me to take a peak.  during the day i keep myself busy enough that i don't usually notice it, but when i climb into bed to drift off to sleep my right foot starts to ache.  do you remember in cartoons when a character's toe is giant, red and pulsing?  that is exactly how my foot feels and it is in fact a toe that is bothering me.

last night i was having all sorts of problems staying asleep.  i fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow, but my toes on my left foot started cramping which woke me up.  once i was up i noticed that my right foot was bothering me too.  i tried to ignore it by focusing on other things: rainbows, what i was going to wear the next day, how cozy my bedding is, an assignment that is due for class, a card i found in my desk from an old friend i haven't talked to in ages, but none of these were working. i ended up with too many thoughts swirling around in my head and my toe was still throbbing.  i couldn't take it anymore i had to see what was going on .

i turned on my reading lamp, swung my legs up to my pillow, and started inspecting the area.  to my horror i discovered a corn.  are you kidding me? only old people get corns!  i am only 38 how can i possibly have a corn on my toe?  so like any good investigator, i jumped on my computer and started looking up what to do.  short of going barefoot all the time, my best option is to change my footwear. this is not okay with me.  i adore my uncomfortable, stylish heels and refuse to start wearing orthopedic shoes so that my toes has a little more wiggle room.

this getting older thing definitely has some pitfalls.  pretty soon you are going to see me with carefully filed speaker wires for maximum protection, crocs, and some elastic waist pants.  i'm going to try and pass this off as a new age super hero. i'm sure i won't look nearly as cool as superman, but it could work.


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