cobwebs...

i have a friend who often asks me for a season or a reason? this friend will use this question in regards to many things; relationships, a new vice, my choice of beer. it really doesn't matter what i am talking to this friend about the same question is asked, kind of like an all purpose question. most of the time i have an answer, sometimes i have a blank stare "anyone? anyone?"

so what happens when your reason ends up being a season?

for today's discussion i am going to be referring to a friendship. a friendship that i always thought i would have, but have lost. a friendship that i thought i was nourishing, but was i doing enough?

sometimes there are people who come into my life that i latch onto. i pull that person into my chest and give them a cozy home in my heart. i may not need to talk to them all the time or even see them regularly but i consider them a true friend.

in february of this year i lost one of these people. their cozy home is starting to fill with cobwebs. at first their departure was very painful. a month or so later and the sting isn't as potent. however there are triggers and i have a moment. for instance, this past easter was the first holiday in years that i haven't wished this human a happy "fill in the blank". it was strange.

today i am doing a no-no, i am examining that friendship from the beginning to the abrupt end. in every relationship there are two parties that contribute to the success or demise of that relationship. this friendship is no exception and if i am going to be completely honest i contributed more to the demise than the success.

i wanted this friendship to be a reason but i treated it like a season. as we know seasons change and end. so did my friendship. in order for relationships to be successful it is imperative that both parties be honest, give and receive. this human got to see every shadowy corner of my being except for one. once i was brave enough to share this corner the contents weren't relevant anymore. it was too late.

i will probably always wonder, if i had found the courage to share that corner when the contents held value would we still be friends, but there is no way of knowing. i suppose what i am getting at is simply this if someone is important to you nourish that relationship in such a way that they will never want to leave.