two thousand and ten, twenty ten, MMX...whichever way you say it doesn't make any difference to me, but we are on the last day of 2010. so i am sitting here with my coffee reflecting on the year. it has been a challenging year to say the least, a year full of laughter and tears, a few steps back followed by leaps forward. i can't say that i want to revisit this year, i am glad to bring in the new year, but reflection on where ive been helps me grow as a woman, a mother, and a friend.
three major events happened that have impacted my daily life; my divorce was final in june, i moved into my own place and my very best friend moved to belarus.
divorce: the final termination of a marital union, canceling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the parties. (from Wikipedia). well the definition is void of the emotional crisis that one experiences during a divorce. i only wish that you could take the emotions out of divorce and look at just the legal aspect of it. on the day my divorce was final i thought i would feel this huge wave of relief, yeah that didn't happen. instead of relief or happiness i was overcome with failure and grief. at first i thought well maybe you made a huge mistake, but i have come to realize that when someone gets divorced they experience emotions similar to those who are faced with the death of a loved one. nobody goes into a marriage expecting to get divorced.
a new home...wow! i have never lived on my own until now. living on my own has really helped with the healing process. i can sit and cry or dance in my underwear and nobody is around to judge, to pity, or even to join in. i remember a weekend when my kids were at their dad's and i spent my entire time in my house by myself. i wasn't itching to be with friends or go do something, i just sat and examined where i was at with me. really looking at yourself can be painful and enlightening. the weekend ended and i said to myself "i did it! i made it through the weekend." it was a major accomplishment.
my best friend shreddie...i still have a hard time believing that she moved. i HATE the fact that she is gone. ok, i realize that it isn't about me, but i think about her everyday. thank goodness for skype. instead of the multiple 5 minute calls everyday, now i get 2 hour marathon skype sessions. skyping isn't the same as sitting on the couch and "girl talking" but until she comes back it will have to do.
i try to look at every situation, every new encounter, every heartbreak, every high and every low as an opportunity. an opportunity to learn something. i am often taken by surprise by my reaction. i am an emotional woman, i can't help it, it is just who i am. the one fabulous thing about being emotional, listen up this is huge, you NEVER have to guess where you stand with me, just read my posture, the expression on my face it is there for you to see.
goodbye 2010
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