two thousand and ten, twenty ten, MMX...whichever way you say it doesn't make any difference to me, but we are on the last day of 2010. so i am sitting here with my coffee reflecting on the year. it has been a challenging year to say the least, a year full of laughter and tears, a few steps back followed by leaps forward. i can't say that i want to revisit this year, i am glad to bring in the new year, but reflection on where ive been helps me grow as a woman, a mother, and a friend.
three major events happened that have impacted my daily life; my divorce was final in june, i moved into my own place and my very best friend moved to belarus.
divorce: the final termination of a marital union, canceling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the parties. (from Wikipedia). well the definition is void of the emotional crisis that one experiences during a divorce. i only wish that you could take the emotions out of divorce and look at just the legal aspect of it. on the day my divorce was final i thought i would feel this huge wave of relief, yeah that didn't happen. instead of relief or happiness i was overcome with failure and grief. at first i thought well maybe you made a huge mistake, but i have come to realize that when someone gets divorced they experience emotions similar to those who are faced with the death of a loved one. nobody goes into a marriage expecting to get divorced.
a new home...wow! i have never lived on my own until now. living on my own has really helped with the healing process. i can sit and cry or dance in my underwear and nobody is around to judge, to pity, or even to join in. i remember a weekend when my kids were at their dad's and i spent my entire time in my house by myself. i wasn't itching to be with friends or go do something, i just sat and examined where i was at with me. really looking at yourself can be painful and enlightening. the weekend ended and i said to myself "i did it! i made it through the weekend." it was a major accomplishment.
my best friend shreddie...i still have a hard time believing that she moved. i HATE the fact that she is gone. ok, i realize that it isn't about me, but i think about her everyday. thank goodness for skype. instead of the multiple 5 minute calls everyday, now i get 2 hour marathon skype sessions. skyping isn't the same as sitting on the couch and "girl talking" but until she comes back it will have to do.
i try to look at every situation, every new encounter, every heartbreak, every high and every low as an opportunity. an opportunity to learn something. i am often taken by surprise by my reaction. i am an emotional woman, i can't help it, it is just who i am. the one fabulous thing about being emotional, listen up this is huge, you NEVER have to guess where you stand with me, just read my posture, the expression on my face it is there for you to see.
goodbye 2010
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Coffee
coffee is an essential part of my day. i started drinking coffee when i was an official grown-up, 18. i cant say that i have ever really enjoyed the taste of coffee, but it is part of my routine and i am defnitely a routine girl. i put so much crap in my coffee it is light brown in color, sweet and creamy. i started with just a cup, then i had my daughter and it turned into 2 cups, now i drink coffee all morning long and sometimes in the afternoon, but that is a rare occurence. i love the ritual of drinking coffee. i drink my first cup in bed while i am checking in with my email and facebook. i rarely hold my mug with the just the handle, i prefer to palm my mug, it is much easier to feel the heat eminating from the mug. i never use a travel mug, one because i don't own any and two well you can't feel the warmth as well. coffee should never be cold. i know there are a lot of iced coffee fans, but yuck it ruins my love for the warmth. coffee is like a blanket for my insides, it warms me from the inside. i suppose you get the same effect from whiskey but that is a little much for me.
as i was sipping my fourth cup of joe this morning i wondered about the history of coffee. here is what i found:
History of Coffee from Wikipedia
The history of coffee goes at least as far back as the 13th century, though coffee's origin remains unclear. It has been believed that Ethiopian ancestors of today's Oromo people were the first to discover and recognize the energizing effect of the coffee bean plant. However, no direct evidence has been found indicating where in Africa coffee grew or who among the natives might have used it, or even known about it, earlier than the 17th century. The story of Kaldi, the 9th century Ethiopian goatherd who discovered coffee, did not appear in writing until 1671 AD and is probably apocryphal. From Ethiopia, coffee was said to have spread to Egypt and Yemen. The earliest credible evidence of either coffee drinking or knowledge of the coffee tree appears in the middle of the 15th century, in the Sufi monasteries of Yemen. It was in Arabia that coffee beans were first roasted and brewed, similar to modern preparation. By the 16th century, it had reached the rest of the Middle East, Persia, Turkey and northern Africa. Coffee then spread to Italy, and to the rest of Europe, to Indonesia and to the Americas.
fascinating information. while i was reading this i ran across the word apocryphal. i have never seen this word, but i am a word girl, naturally i looked it up. so here you go the word of the day apocryphal: not true: probably not true, but widely believed to be true (Encarta World English Dictionary)
well that is about all i have to say about coffee. oh one more thing, i order a grande skinny vanilla latte at starbucks.
cheers
as i was sipping my fourth cup of joe this morning i wondered about the history of coffee. here is what i found:
History of Coffee from Wikipedia
The history of coffee goes at least as far back as the 13th century, though coffee's origin remains unclear. It has been believed that Ethiopian ancestors of today's Oromo people were the first to discover and recognize the energizing effect of the coffee bean plant. However, no direct evidence has been found indicating where in Africa coffee grew or who among the natives might have used it, or even known about it, earlier than the 17th century. The story of Kaldi, the 9th century Ethiopian goatherd who discovered coffee, did not appear in writing until 1671 AD and is probably apocryphal. From Ethiopia, coffee was said to have spread to Egypt and Yemen. The earliest credible evidence of either coffee drinking or knowledge of the coffee tree appears in the middle of the 15th century, in the Sufi monasteries of Yemen. It was in Arabia that coffee beans were first roasted and brewed, similar to modern preparation. By the 16th century, it had reached the rest of the Middle East, Persia, Turkey and northern Africa. Coffee then spread to Italy, and to the rest of Europe, to Indonesia and to the Americas.
fascinating information. while i was reading this i ran across the word apocryphal. i have never seen this word, but i am a word girl, naturally i looked it up. so here you go the word of the day apocryphal: not true: probably not true, but widely believed to be true (Encarta World English Dictionary)
well that is about all i have to say about coffee. oh one more thing, i order a grande skinny vanilla latte at starbucks.
cheers
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Friendship
true friends are hard to come by. i am honored to have true friends. Dinah Mulock Craik (1826-2887) wrote the best description of friendship: Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feelings safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring all right out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and, with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away. i am not sure how i would make it day to day without my friends, correction my true friends. being a friend is hard work, you have to remember their schedules, important events in their life (birthdays/anniversaries) if they are single who the current flavor is, if they are married their spouse's name and up to date info (job, birthday, likes). you should know your friends favorite color, what they like to do in their spare time, what they order at starbuck's. it is exhausting to be a friend. sometimes i think that i need a dayplanner just to keep it all straight, maybe they make an app for your iphone that does it for you, if not that is a really good idea. anyway, it is hard to be a friend. i am not a good friend. i try to be a good friend, but i get wrapped up in my own bullshit to be a good friend. however i am a true friend. to those in my life who really know me, who have been with me through the good times and bad, they know that i would drop anything to help them out, i would give anything i have, just don't ask me for money i have none, but i would you seriously do anything for them.
tonight i was blessed with some of my very best true friends. one of my oldest and dearest friends sent me a text tonight, completely out of the blue "how are you pretty lady?" i have known her since i was in 6th grade, we called ourselves skeeter and scooter. i can't remember who is who now, but it doesn't matter. we talk when we can, we see each other when we can, but it is never awkward or uncomfortable.
i also got a text from my "bbf" my best best friend. she lives down the street, our girls are best friends, and i seriously couldn't live without her. i am in the midst of a "guy crisis" oh yeah, forgot to tell y'all i am a single gal, but that is another story. anyway, i asked her, "do you think he will call me again?" her response put me into tears so i need to share, "listen - i don't know if he will call. but i do know that you are one of the most wonderful people i know, and if he doesn't, he simply is not good enough for you. personally, i do think he will call, but you also want someone who has his crap together. so, let him get it together and make himself worthy of your love. hold your head high and just wait it out for a while. i know not easy...but you have come through way worse than this." she is definitely my reality check in life.
i also got my girl time with my "steady date" we had a late lunch/early dinner, not sure what you would call it but i call it supper. we are in a similar place in life; divorced, kids, living in shit holes, and trying to make the best of every day. lately she has kept me sane. thanks miss r.
so friendship...friends are easy to come by, good friends are even easy to come by, those true friends who accept that you are not always a good friend, that love you for all your fantastic qualities and the horrible qualities that they are embarassed by..those are the friends that are really hard to come by and if you have them you should cherish them. i am truly thankful for all of my friends...casual friends, good friends, old friends, new friends, girl friends and guy friends and my true friends.
tonight i was blessed with some of my very best true friends. one of my oldest and dearest friends sent me a text tonight, completely out of the blue "how are you pretty lady?" i have known her since i was in 6th grade, we called ourselves skeeter and scooter. i can't remember who is who now, but it doesn't matter. we talk when we can, we see each other when we can, but it is never awkward or uncomfortable.
i also got a text from my "bbf" my best best friend. she lives down the street, our girls are best friends, and i seriously couldn't live without her. i am in the midst of a "guy crisis" oh yeah, forgot to tell y'all i am a single gal, but that is another story. anyway, i asked her, "do you think he will call me again?" her response put me into tears so i need to share, "listen - i don't know if he will call. but i do know that you are one of the most wonderful people i know, and if he doesn't, he simply is not good enough for you. personally, i do think he will call, but you also want someone who has his crap together. so, let him get it together and make himself worthy of your love. hold your head high and just wait it out for a while. i know not easy...but you have come through way worse than this." she is definitely my reality check in life.
i also got my girl time with my "steady date" we had a late lunch/early dinner, not sure what you would call it but i call it supper. we are in a similar place in life; divorced, kids, living in shit holes, and trying to make the best of every day. lately she has kept me sane. thanks miss r.
so friendship...friends are easy to come by, good friends are even easy to come by, those true friends who accept that you are not always a good friend, that love you for all your fantastic qualities and the horrible qualities that they are embarassed by..those are the friends that are really hard to come by and if you have them you should cherish them. i am truly thankful for all of my friends...casual friends, good friends, old friends, new friends, girl friends and guy friends and my true friends.
where to start?
where to start? i really don't know. i have typed and erased, closed the page and returned more times than i care to admit. i don't have a single thing that i want to blog about or a business that i want someone to follow, this is really just for me. i needed a place to write my failures and triumphs, strange encounters, frustrations and loves. i am still faced with the question: where to start? do i start with something catchy like the latest pick up line i received: Your father must have been a chicken farmer, because you sure know how to raise a cock..yep i was told that on monday. or maybe i start with: when i grow up i want to be an action hero. i watched Salt last night and Angelina Jolie kicks ass in that movie. or maybe the latest book i am reading: can't remember the name just started it last night. or maybe i can start with a man who i care about deeply but is messing with my heart. the options really are endless, but for now i will start with this: my name is heather, my close friends call me flo. i am starting the next chapter of my life and feel like sharing my adventure.
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