who's the boss...

do you remember the show Who's the Boss with tony danza?  although the following story doesn't have anything to do with the show, the premise of the show, or any of the people of the show, the title of the show has been on my mind today.  i had one of those power struggles this morning with my daughter, where i had to show her that i make the rules and her job is to follow them.

monday mornings are a transition day for my kids.  transition days are always tough.  the kids have to put on their mom hats.  those hats magically remind them of the rules at my house, the hierarchy within the walls of my house, and the expectations at my house.  sometimes, the magic mom hats don't make it on their heads in time and i have to forcibly place them on their heads.

my preteen daughter forgot to put her magic mom hat on before entering my house this morning, which meant our morning sucked, i lost my cool, and ended up leaving my daughter at home.

in her defense, the kids get dropped off with very little time before we have to leave.  in my defense, my preteen daughter is old enough to know how to manage her time.  i have explained that if you know you aren't going to have very much time, you need to come home ready to go.  you shouldn't come home in your pajamas, still needing breakfast, still needing to pack a lunch, and still needing to pack up your gym and school bag.  for some reason this hasn't sunk in to her brain yet, it must be too full of saxophone arrangements, gymnastics routines, and what her friends are up to.

so this morning, like many other monday mornings, she waltzed through my door in pajamas and we had to leave in five minutes.  although i was irritated, i politely gave her a "we have five minutes, you need to hustle."  three minutes later she is walking through the house without pants looking for her favorite jeans.  i ask her what she is doing and tell her all the laundry is done, if they aren't in her room she will have to put on something else.  her response was, i'm just going to look for them.  i snapped at her and told her i was leaving in a minute and a half.

about this time, my son was looking at me cautiously.  i don't lose my cool too often but i was fuming.  in a not so pleasant voice, i looked at him and said you better be ready to go because we are late.  he jumped into high gear, getting his shoes on, gathering up his lunch and school stuff, and standing by the door waiting for the green light to leave the house.

a minute later my daughter was still strolling around the house.  i told her i was leaving, she needed to start walking to school and if she didn't make it, she wasn't going to to gymnastics practice.  i walked out of the house, barking at my son to get in the car.  he looked totally confused that we were leaving without his sister and kept looking back at the front door waiting for her to come bolting to the car.  she never came out the front door.

after dropping off my carpool kids and my son at their respective schools and stopping for fuel, i went back to the house. she was ready and waiting for me.  during the tense ride to school, i had to reestablish who's the boss, explain once again my expectations and rules, and really press the fact that i won't be coming back to pick her up if she misses the ride to school.

just another monday morning for the record books. i'm ready for tuesday.

let it go...

i was told the other day that i need to learn to "let it go".  instantly an image of elsa trudging through the snow belting out "let it go" from frozen popped into my head. thank you disney and you're welcome for that song now being stuck in your head.  this isn't what i wanted to talk about though, over the weekend, i received a message that has left me uneasy.

so the friend who told me to let it go, basically said, this isn't your business and not to worry about it. what i don't think that friend understands about me, is that once i care about you, regardless of what happens between us, i will always care about you.  i will always be concerned about your welfare.  i will always wish the best for you.  i want to see you succeed.  i want you to be happy.  it is part of what makes me, me.  i genuinely care about the people (past or present) in my life.  

you see, i think the person who sent the message is making a ginormous mistake. i understand the reasons, that they shared, on why they are making this particular decision, but i still think it is wrong. i recognize that i don't have a say in the decision or even that it will impact me in any way, but how do you shake the uneasy feeling when you think your friend is setting them self up to be hurt? 

is part of being a good friend, saying the things your friends don't want to hear?  i think so.  i have had really hard conversations with my friends.  i know i've said things that have hurt their feelings. or even worse appear to not even be their friend, but in the end those people who trust me enough to ask my opinion know i'm going to be honest with them and tell them what i really think.  

i wouldn't be me, if i had kept my opinion about this decision to myself.  my initial response was made through a phone call.  i wanted to make sure that i used my voice, even though it wasn't a strong voice.  i needed them to hear my tone, hear my words, and not leave my words open to interpretation through a text message. so i called and said i didn't know how to process the information, but i only want the best for you. 

this exchange didn't make the uneasiness go away.  i spent my evening trying to figure out what to do.  i was going to just let it go, as had been suggested, but the following morning i received another message. from my standpoint this friend isn't sure what they truly want and is making a rash decision to satisfy an immediate need.  i had to say something.  

i composed my message, took a deep breath and hit send.  i knew they wouldn't get it in time, the decision had a time frame.  i also knew that the recipient was going to be upset with me and probably not speak to me for a great length of time, but it was a risk i was willing to take.  this friend opened the door for the conversation and i had to walk through.

i don't know when the friend received the message, but they did respond with a "thank you for sharing, it means a lot to me."  at the end of the day, i just want the people in my life to be happy, to be successful in whatever they choose to do, and to know that i will always care about them.