cloud five stinks...

World Wide Words: Cloud nine

 "on cloud nine" you hear this idiom a lot.  naturally this peeked my interest on where this expression originated from.  the link above gives a detailed explanation which i found fascinating.  this feeling of euphoric bliss is achieved on cloud nine. if there are clouds after nine they must be nirvana, eden, heaven...something that exceeds every worldly possibility you can imagine.  the clouds before nine aren't quite as glamorous.

i have reached cloud nine in the past, once in the not so distant past, but i have hopscotched my way back to cloud five or so.  i don't really like it here and don't plan on staying this far back from euphoric bliss for long and i certainly don't plan on finding cloud one.  cloud five stinks, i can't imagine residing on four, three, two or one. six, seven and eight aren't so bad.  i wouldn't mind making my way to any of those in the near future.

as you all know i have a really hard time turning off my brain and just letting things be.  i have never possessed this skill and most likely will never find it, let alone hone it.  as my brain continues to spin out of control i am being propelled towards cloud one.  i am looking for that elusive safety net that will catch me, reach back to touch cloud one and then catapult me past cloud five towards euphoria.

on cloud five i am neither happy nor sad, i just am.  when asked, "how are you?" my answer is "fine".  this is basically saying...mediocre, so-so, blah.  my life isn't superb nor is it horrible, it just is.  there is a void in my life right now.  my relationship has been in a holding pattern, the reasons behind it are complicated and i don't really want to go into them, but nevertheless the status of my relationship is what has brought me to cloud five.

maybe i shouldn't put so much energy or thought into something that has no guarantees or something that is relatively so new, but i don't know another way to do it.  really, there are no guarantees in life, we aren't even guaranteed that we will wake up everyday, so why wouldn't i give it everything i have?  i'm not really sure why people hold back it doesn't make sense to me. 

so as i continue to mull over things in my head and uncomfortably rest on cloud five the world around me continues to move forward.  sigh...