there's an app for that...

do you ever see images and think man i want to be there?  i do.  pinterest feeds my daydreaming addiction.

this particular picture beckons me to a simpler time. i imagine a young couple (he is trying to woo her), impeccably dressed (because back in the day people got "dressed"), she has a parasol (to protect her delicate skin from the harsh sun and to hide her blushing face), he is being a gentleman and rowing (chivalry, a long lost art). i have no idea how their story ends, but it starts beautifully.

 

in our ultra modern world today, there is probably an app to simulate this very picture.  you must lie down in the most clinically stark place you can find, hold your phone overhead, and block out everything around you.  simply concentrate and you can feel the gentle rocking of the boat while staring into the bluest sky with the whitest clouds.  all of this on a 5 inch screen.  it's definitely not the same, but in a pinch maybe not so bad.

 

i however, don't want to live my life through an app on a 5 inch screen.  i want to be in that boat, rocking gently while gazing into the bluest sky with the whitest clouds.  instead of petticoats and parasols i would be adorned in north face and some sort of uv protective hat.  

 

here's the kicker, although our clothing is different from times gone by, the same coquettish behavior lives on today, selectively making eye contact and hiding our blushing cheeks behind a uv protective hat.  the words we choose to string together are quite different from the days of waistcoats and pocket watches but i think we still have the same dreams and desires. 

 

to my future beau, can we please, please on a beautiful day find a lake with a rowboat, paddle out to the middle (i will even help), lie in that boat atop a cozy blanket and gaze into the bluest sky with the whitest clouds?  we can talk about how great our life is together and maybe, if nobody is looking, make it rock just a little bit.  we're going to need an extra blanket. *wink*

she's 22...

does age matter to you when you are looking to date someone?  do you have a limit or a range?  maybe your range is anywhere between legal and younger than the grave?  i seem to feel most comfortable with 5 years either way, but tend to like the older side better than the younger.  with that said i have gone over the 5 year cap in both directions.  seeing as how i am single, clearly none of those worked out.

so the movie clip is from Liberal Arts.  i watched it the other night.  not a standout film, but entertaining enough.  this scene i thought was hysterical because i too do the math.  i always find it funny that as you get older the age difference doesn't seem so big, but you go backwards and it makes you cringe.  if you are me, thinking when i was 20, he was 4 makes me feel dirty and i should walk myself to the police station.

anyway, the other night i was out with one of my oldest and dearest friends, who happens to share my name.  on our way to the restaurant she was telling me about the bartender; kind of quiet, cute, you know the basics.  not sure if she thought i was going to bag him up, take him home and keep him hostage, but she was right.  he was very easy on the eyes and i didn't find him quiet at all, he was very chatty with us.  that might be due to the fact it was pretty quiet in there or i'm just that intriguing he couldn't help himself.  

heath (which is pronounced just like heather but without the "er") and i sidled up to the bar, talked amongst ourselves and with the cutie patootie bartender.  we learned some more facts about him; same age as us (37), has a five year old daughter, and is dating a woman who is 22.  what?!  this is not verbatim but he said something along the lines of i'm lucky, she is really mature and gets along with my daughter.  heath whispered to me that's because she still loves pink and all things sparkly!  all i could think in my head (and it may have slipped out) was she's a good lay.  but who am i to judge at least he's getting some.  i mean, he looked happy.

obviously this conversation about miss 22 got me thinking of my own experience with a much younger fella.  it started off well, but quickly went downhill.  it didn't take long to figure out that we had very different priorities and thoughts on where our lives were going.  i'm not going to say that the demise of that interlude was all due to age, but i think it played a big part. 

in my experience, as in the movie, age ended up being a factor.  will mr. cutie patootie bartender run into the same issue?  who knows, maybe. 

waiting...

 

 

two weeks

fourteen days

three hundred thirty six hours

 

...

 

soon

an indescript time frame

30 minutes...

he has a nice beard, it is nice and dark, mine was white yesterday.

 

these are the words i heard as i walked into work from my lunch break.  there is nothing like being on display.  i should back up and tell you how this comment came about...

today i had lunch with a friend.   i don't do this very often.  mostly because 30 minutes isn't a long enough time to sit down, converse and eat, politely.  i love to eat and i love to chat both of which shouldn't be rushed.  however 30 minutes flies by when you are in good company.  consequently 30 minutes can seem like 30 hours in poor company.  thankfully today i was in good company. 

we met at brooklyn pizza.  it is quick, easy and if you know me well, you know that i adore pizza.  i blew in the door like a stiff breeze, on a mission to get started.  the clock is ticking.  there isn't time for the proper niceties of saying hey, it's great to see you.  nope, i'm all business, time to order.  in an effort to save time it is also conquer and divide time.  you get the pizza.  i will grab the drinks. oh and by the way what did you want?

tick-tock

while waiting for our slices of heaven to magically appear at the table there is a small opportunity to converse without food filling my mouth.  the obvious conversation how was your christmas? was discussed.  at this point my lunch mate has my full attention and i appear normal.

tick-tock

heaven lands on our checkered cloth and now the real show starts.  remember when your mother harped on you "don't talk with your mouth full!"?  this is nearly impossible to do when you only have 30 minutes.  in an attempt to not be completely rude, we played a short game of charades.  i completely suck at this game.  before my turn ended i opened my mouth packed full of pizza and gave the answer.  sorry i have no manners when i'm short on time.

tick-tock

once the food has been inhaled with more suction than a hoover vacuum cleaner (because really if you want suction you should get an oreck), i am now checking my phone.  who needs a watch when you have your smart phone?  i'm pretty sure my last bite hadn't finished it's journey down my esophagus and i am packing it up.  i'm sorry, but i have to get back to the office.

tick-tock

the walk back with my lunch mate, was a brisk pace that equaled the chill in the air.  it did allow for a few more minutes to converse without a mouth full of food, which i'm sure is easier to understand and more pleasant.  a couple more minutes of chatting outside of my office door and a hug goodbye.  i turn towards the office door and through the window i see my boss with his hands mimicking binoculars spying.

i walk through the door and straight into his office saying before you ask, no i'm not dating him, just having lunch.  the boss man starts laughing at me and replies he seems nice and he has a nice beard... you know the rest. 

so for future reference i am not a fan of the 30 minute lunch.  especially if i am going to attempt to enjoy someones company and eat.  if you are one who enjoys the odd rituals of bird mating, which is how i feel while trying to talk through gestures and pack my face, then by all means let's do lunch.  if this isn't your cup of tea, i'm free at 6:00pm three weeks from today.

a little grinch-y...

midday christmas.  my living room is a graveyard of paper and boxes.  the most treasured items have taken residence in a "safe" place until they can be properly tended to.  my phone is playing music from it's new docking station, my ears are blinged out with their beautiful new earrings and my neck is warm thanks to a new cashmere scarf.  there is only one other beating heart here.  the most loyal feline, until of course his kids come home and then i'm chopped liver.

surrounded by many but standing alone.  do you ever feel like your circle of friends is 20+ deep, but you are on the sidelines watching?  this is not a sob story, pity party post, i'm just noticing something that is bugging me. 

i have 600+ friends on facebook, 401 followers on blip.me, i can't figure twitter out but i have one.  i am on google+ and have several friends there.  same story on other social networking sites.  today my phone blew up with merry christmas texts.  what's my point?  my point is i am sitting in my home without another heartbeat present.  just mine.

this is insane to me. 

don't get me wrong, i love all the texts, the wall posts, the private emails, even the phone calls (sorry i didn't answer), but i would much rather be in a room with all 1000+ friends.  it would warm my heart to be able to give every single one of you a hug and wish you a happy holiday season in person.

do you think it is weird that we live in a world where we seem to build an army of friends?  creating our very own hand picked virtual family.  we stake claim to a plethora of friends that can't give us a hug when we are crying.  or bring over a cup of coffee and shoot the shit.  or drag our "feeling sorry for ourself" ass out of the house.  instead we fill our text messages with goofy emotion filled pictures, virtually share food that we can't actually eat or even smell, and tell each other how we would comfort them if we lived closer or even actually knew each other. 

is this insane to anyone else? 

as i climb off my soap box for the day, i want to thank you for all the wonderful well wishes today.  i really did love all of them.  i wish i could've reciprocated in person. 

a love letter...

i have been impatiently waiting

endlessly searching for you

 but i have been blind to really see you 

you have been with me all along

 

i see you

 

i've made every excuse 

convincing myself i'm not enough for you

but you've been steadfast

showing me i am

 

i hear you

 

i have built a fortress around myself

but you've cleverly navigated every obstacle

finding a permanent home

in my heart

 

i love you

 

 

o tanenbaum...

i can still remember my first time seeing tchaikovsky's nutcracker ballet.  i was young, possibly in the ten age range.  i got to be super dressed up in some ridiculous frilly dress and stay up past 8:00.  i sat in my chair completely mesmerized.  my absolute favorite moment was when the christmas tree quadrupled in size.  it was beautiful.  this monstrous tree is the epitome of trees for me.  you can imagine my disappointment when year after year our tree at home was, in my eyes, a disaster. 

if you remember last year i had the "rat tree".  i borrowed my mom's fake tree and unbeknownst to anyone there was a stowaway "r.o.u.s.".  the rat was way more than i bargained for.  one would think that having a live rat in your tree would take the cake for the most memorable tree moment, but i have several that make the cut.

the nutcracker has made me love big trees.  i don't want to be able to see over the top of them, that is a definite requirement.  wel,l one year mom decided that she wanted to buy a live tree so she could plant it in the yard afterwards.  just an fyi, the ground is frozen after christmas so you can't really plant it.  anyway, mom bought this tiny, i'm talking maybe 4 ft. tall, tiny tree.  she put in this huge blue grain bucket and set it on top of an old trunk.  granted it was taller than me, but it doesn't count when the base of the tree starts at knee level.  for some reason our regular lights went m.i.a.  so mom, being very resourceful, put the giant outside lights on this tiny tree.  it only took one strand.  this was a tree fail (in my eyes).

for the past couple of years i have had a fake tree in my home, but i prefer a freshly cut tree.  there was a christmas that mom, sis and i were going to minnesota to celebrate the holidays.  mom didn't want to put up a tree, but sis and i were having none of that.  we begged and begged for a tree.  christmas just isn't the same without a tree.  that year we got to open gifts before the actual day.  so mom, again being very resourceful, made a construction paper, 4 sided christmas tree complete with drawn on ornaments.  she placed in the center of our round kitchen table adorned with the tree skirt and nestled the presents under the table.  although memorable this is yet another tree fail (in my eyes).

oh i'm not done.

i have another tree requirement.  i like branchy trees.  meaning i want there to be space enough for my ornaments to hang from their cute little hooks instead of lay on the outer surface sunbathing in the glow from the lights.  one holiday season a boyfriend of my mom's surprised us with a tree.  before i go any further, i am of the belief that a christmas tree is a pretty personal decision and this isn't really something that you "surprise" someone with.  if you would like to spread some cheer get a wreath. 

anyway, the surprise tree was one of those huge fluffy trees with the sunbathing type branches.  mom, still resourceful, tried to make it a branchy tree.  she took her loppers and started cutting out branches here and there.  for anyone who has thought of doing this, it doesn't work.  the tree ends up all patchy and uneven, sort of resembling of a person losing their hair.  for obvious reasons this was a tree fail.

in attempt to stay positive, my absolute favorite tree is flocked.  i absolutely adore a flocked tree.  besides the fact that it is beautiful there are some really great benefits to flocking your tree.  one, it is flame retardant.  whatever is used to flock the tree doesn't catch on fire.  bonus.  two, it is preserved.  the tree people put it on a stand and you don't have to water it, just put adorn it.  bonus.  three, since it is preserved you could potentially store it for the following year.  definitely a bonus, but i haven't tried this, i live in a tiny shoe box.  if you haven't ever tried a flocked tree i definitely recommend it.

anywho, happy holidays.  i hope you are having a successful tree year.