happily engaged...

i was hoping to actually talk with you but since you won't meet with me or answer your phone for me, i guess i will just let you know via text.  i'm happily engaged!

talk about a message loaded with negative under tones.  blame.  guilt.  blame.  guilt.  followed with a surprise and a you should be happy for me because i am engaged and i've added a strange qualifier "happily" just so you and i know that i mean it.

am i writing this because i am jealous?  not in the least.  quite the opposite, i don't have a feeling either way.  i guess you could say i am indifferent.  there is a part of me that goes wow that was quick (less than a year), and there is a part that says i'm not surprised (there always seemed to be an agenda), and then there is also a part that says glad it isn't me (i want to be a part of something that is more natural and unplanned). 

there are so many things that i have not understood about this particular fella.  during our time together and especially since we parted ways.  he has been insistent on maintaining and building a friendship. i have not reciprocated by sharing my life events, but i answer his messages when he sends them.  it seems rude not to. 

for instance when i received the text from him date night, we are off to blah, blah, blah.   after getting over my initial shock, because i just didn't get why he was telling me about his date, i said i don't want to hear about your date nights.  or this one _________ vacation at the end of the month  (the same vacation we took the year before).  which i replied i hope you have a good time. 

now i get this message that i'm getting married.  i'm not sure what he anticipated my reaction to be, but i want to tell him to take a flying leap off a....you can fill in the blank.  i just don't understand the throwing your supposed happiness in my face.  after a snippy remark of hope you get everything you want out of life.  i get this... it's not what i want that's truly important it's what God has planned for me!  followed by i'm sorry i shared this via text but since you're not having any other contact with me it was the only way i could share.  i'd still like to build a friendship....

at this point i am ready to say i'm not interested in a friendship.  i am hesitant to say that because it seems so mean.  i don't want to hurt his feelings even though he is trying to hurt mine.  however, i would rather hear something than be ignored which is what i am doing at the moment.  i do hope this is the lasting relationship he has been seeking.  i know now more than ever that it wasn't with me.