an almost "rachel trifle" moment...

i am a huge fan of the show friends.  i never missed an episode.  if i had tv i would watch reruns today.  my sister often sends me texts with a line from an episode that she thinks i will remember and i never do, i simply don't retain television trivia.  this particular episode is one of my favorites (i'm also a huge fan of the PIVOT episode). 

at 7:15 this morning, much like any other morning, the breakfast rush starts.  my son is always the first for breakfast, he tells me what he would like when i wake him up.  lately he has been on a waffle with butter, peanut butter and syrup, cut into squares kick.  i make pancakes and french toast from scratch but i am an eggo user when it comes to waffles.  open the freezer grab the last of the waffles and pop them in the toaster.  do a 180 and pull out a saute pan.

huh?

well, on thursdays we have souper thursday at work and it is my turn to make the soup.  i have some prep work to do.  while my oil and butter are heating up in the saute pan i utilize my wicked knife skills and make quick work of chopping an onion.  as i sweep the onion from my cutting board into the pan and give it a swirl i hear the pop of the toaster.  do a 180 and i'm back at the toaster.

just as i get done syruping and cutting up my sons waffles, my daughter comes sauntering into the kitchen, "can i have oatmeal?"  "yep" as i am delivering a delicious mound of peanut butter and syrup heaven to the table.  a mug of water goes into the microwave and i've got two minutes before it's time to mix the water with the oatmeal. 

two minutes is a super long time in the kitchen.  i pulled my pork roast that was getting yummy in the crock pot overnight and let it rest for a few minutes.  dump the contents of p's oatmeal into a bowl.  season my onions with salt and pepper and give them a quick stir.  time to shred pork.  my onions are golden and starting to caramelize, the pork is shredded and i've got about 30 seconds left on the clock.  dump the onions and pork into the crock pot, add beans, broth and some spices, replace the lid and turn it on high. "mom, can i have some milk?"  the timer on the microwave goes off.  i have two sets of eyes looking at me.  p gets her oatmeal, ash gets his milk and it's 7:30.

my kitchen smells like a spicy mexican restaurant and a bakery.  it's kind of a lot to stomach at 7:15 in the morning.   the competing smells is certifiably nauseating.  with only one cup of coffee on board i am lucky i didn't put peanut butter in my soup or add sauteed onions to the oatmeal.  yep, here is the connection with rachel's trifle a bit of a stretch but that is just how my brain works. 

i would love to say that i came up with the recipe for souper thursday on my own, but who am i kidding i am no chef.  thankfully there are some extremely talented humans out there who do all the leg work for me.  this was a two part recipe.  first you must make the shredded pork.  i did mine in the crock pot overnight.  i seriously love that i can be sleeping and cooking at the same time.  step two is assemble the pork chili verde and let it work its magic. 

 

 

my choice of toppings; cilantro, lime, queso, and green onions. 

pressing my luck...

i had a small disaster this morning or maybe we should view it as a lucky streak.  it all started in the wee hours of the morning.  you know that hour that you-really-should-be-sleeping-and-in-fact-you-were-sleeping-but-your-stupid-overactive-brain-decided-it-was-done-resting-and-has-now-woken-you-up hour?  the one around 3:30?  this is where my story starts. 

i opened my eyes to a dimly lit room, a soft glow at my window from the street light outside.  through my curtains i can make out the shadow of branches swaying in a breeze.  there is no sound, not even a car going by.  i think it must be early if there are no sounds.  a look at the clock and sure enough it's early.

i roll to my left.  i roll to my right.  i lay on my back staring at the ceiling.  my eyes remain open like sentries guarding a gate except there is nothing to guard.  i get up to use the bathroom even though i don't feel like i have to go.  low and behold i did.  i climb back in bed, put on my sweatshirt, turn on my lamp and pick up my book. 

it is now 4:30.  i'm tired of reading so i turn on my computer.  i figured i would write to the person i always write to.  my phone beeps you're still awake?  sometimes i forget the moment i turn my computer on it shows the world that i am awake.  just an fyi, i sleep with my laptop on the side of the bed that never has an occupant and often times i accidentally lay my hand across it.  like a giant ogre my computer rouses out of sleep mode, but i am not actually awake.  anyway, i chat for a few minutes and write for a few minutes.

it is now 5:00.  i hear my coffee pot come to life.  the smell of coffee creeps down the hall to my bed, luring me to the kitchen.  i pour a cup, go back to bed and pick my book back up.  my book is propped up on my legs, i'm holding my full cup to my chest drinking in the aroma and start to read. 

the next thing i know hot fluid is being poured all over me.  i have successfully soaked myself and bedding (to the mattress) in french vanilla creamer enhanced coffee.  surprisingly enough i did not burn myself.  thank you to the many layers of fleece i adorn myself and mattress in.  i didn't leap out of bed.  i may have been in shock.  i just sat there staring at the brown stain wicking across my fleece covers. 

in movements rivaling those of the south american sloth, i stripped my bed and started the process of laundering mountains of bedding.  instead of getting up for the day i poured a fresh cup of coffee, grabbed a blanket from the couch and went back to bed.  much like the weavers, i played the odds and pressed my luck.  and like the weavers i won.  granted it wasn't two lottery winnings in a single weekend, but i did only taking one coffee bath this morning.

precipice...

 

today i stand on the precipice


holding my solemn wish


securely in a closed fist





fear of crushing this wish


prompts me to let go


breath and


pray





you are with me always


i love you



read on...

january reads

 

i am a huge reader.  i plow through a book every few days.  i developed a love of reading by default.  i'm pretty sure i've shared this story before but just in case you missed it here you it is again.  when i was growing up my house went pitch black dark at 8 o'clock, even during the summer.  everyone, including pets, was bed down for the night.  we were not allowed to have our big overhead lights on or music going and this was before a thing called laptops, ipads, and cell phones.  since i wasn't necessarily tired at 8, i read.  turned on my reading lamp and was transported to magical places. 

 

there have been times when i have lost my love of reading, but i always come back to it.  my books are like friends.  during the time i am carressing a books pages the characters are my confidants, their world is my world.  that is until i am done with the book and then i am done in that world and onto the next.  i have a hard time getting rid of books, even ones i didn't care for.  i have an ever growing stack of books on top of my dresser and gracing the shelves of bookcases. 

 

i have read some interesting books this month.  now i am no book critic.  far from it.  i find something interesting, of value, or worthwhile in every, yes i mean every, book i read. 

  

stealing buddha's dinner

 

i picked this book because i loved the little girl on the cover.   the cover says for anyone who has ever felt like an outsider.  i have felt like an outsider many times in my life.  i thought there must be something that will resonate with me even though i'm not a buddhist, i am not an asian refugee, nor was i aware that buddha had a dinner to steal.  the title leads you think that there will be food invovled and there was lots, but i was surprised at how romantic the author made crappy american food sound.  overall it was a decent read.

 

thumbsucker

 

the picture being set sideways caught my attention first.  i was hoping there would be some revelation throughout the story as to the curious position of the picture, but there wasn't i still have no idea why the picture is sideways.  an interesting coming of age story where you get to follow this young man try to navigate life.  he didn't suck his thumb as much as i was hoping for, that sounds strange, but it's true.

 

gone girl

 

this was my book club pick for january.  i probably wouldn't have picked this for myself, but i was pleasantly surprised.  it moved quickly, i loved the way each chapter was told by one of the two main characters.  many twists, turns and jaw dropping surprises.  definitely kept my attention.  i can't say much else because book club hasn't met yet!

 

cannery row

 

a fellow book lover had given me this to read.  another book i would never have picked out for myself.  however, i did love it.  i have read a couple of other steinbeck greats and was surprised at how short this masterpiece is.  my only real complaint about this book is that there were characters that made an appearance for a couple of pages and that was it.  i wanted to know what happened to them. 

the life of edgar sawtelle

 

initially i fell in love with this book, although it could have used some editing, there were sections that just dragged on.  this was a weekend without kids read and i was over the moon to be curled up on my couch following edgar on his adventures.  that is until the end.  i'm not even kidding this book has the worst ending of anything i have ever (and i've read a lot of books) read.  after investing 566 pages of my time edgar he gets killed off.  i was quite angry at the ending.  oops, guess i just gave the ending away.  oh well it isn't worth your time anyway.

 

kitchen confidential

 

a friend of mine had given me this book saying "my sister said this was great."  anthony is crudely raunchy but funny as all get out.  this reads like you are sitting with anthony at the local pub sharing a pint.  although i love food and feel i am fair cook i would never want to be a chef and this book sealed the deal.  i am far too lazy to be a professional chef. 

 

six books for january.  not bad.  let's see if i keep this pace up i will devour 72 books this year.  i have heard many times throughout my life you will make time for the things that are important to you. apparently reading is one of those things. 

 

read on.





daily contact...

so he's meeting your demands for daily contact?

 

here is a snippet from a text conversation i was having, who it was with or what the rest of the conversation was about is of no importance.  this one comment, phrased as a question, meant as an accusation has stuck with me.  actually has stopped me cold. 

 

do i demand that a potential suitor have daily contact?  in my first attempts at dating did i expect daily contact? you better believe it. i have been and still can be a needy bitch in that regards, but i don't ever recall having stated, "now when we start dating i expect, actually demand, that i hear from you every single cotton picking day or it's over."  first of all that would send the potential suitor running through town with a megaphone exclaiming "steer clear rabid wildebeest on the loose".  not really an impression i am wanting spread.  second i don't think i am that demanding.

 

however, it has got me thinking about my expectations when i am in a relationship with a fella.  as an adult my expectation is much different than when i was say a teenager in high school.  the few times i had a boyfriend in high school (few is too many i had two) i saw them five days a week and you better believe i expected some sort of communication.  i mean seriously if your boyfriend didn't talk to you at school something was up. 

 

my now ex husband and i met in august of 1994.  i didn't have a cell phone, i still lived with my mom, and i had a job.  if i reach back through the dusty cobwebs of '94 i'm pretty sure i talked to him every day.  i spent every spare moment i had with him, but if i wasn't in his presence i can guarantee that i talked to him from my mom's phone or my work phone.  in 1998 or 1999 we bought our first house together and we exchanged words daily.  i think it would be pretty weird if i lived with someone and didn't have a daily conversation, don't you?

 

what is this really about?  patterns.  humans are generally creatures of habit and it doesn't take long to fall into a pattern of behavior with someone.  maybe you and your significant are voracious texters and spend the whole day volleying banter. or maybe you only talk after work.  or maybe you only communicate once the kids are in bed. or maybe just on the weekends.  whatever the frequency you most likely have a pattern with your significant. 

 

in my opinion, it doesn't matter what stage of a relationship you are in (except for maybe the exit), connecting daily; whether in person, a text message, or a phone call is normal.  it isn't a demand or even an expectation it is simply the pattern the two of you have created.   

parallel paths...

 

we have been on a journey of parallel paths

always in view of each other

but not together

 

occasionally our paths come together

and we walk side by side for awhile

but ultimately drift apart

 

 

 

my last meal...

i'm about to embark on a seven day cleanse.  a strict eating regimen that is supposed to clean my system of every horrible thing i've ever ingested.  since it is the eve of my last meal, i had an extra helping with dinner.  which really translates to two tacos, big ones, and an extra helping of chips and salsa.  followed by a nightcap of a delicious brewski.  now i'm not sure if the beer was really all that great or if it just tasted better knowing i may never have one again.

just to be clear, i am not a dieter.  never have been, probably never will be.  i am however intrigued by these cleanse diets, toxin releasers and bringing my temple (aka my body) back to a purer form of itself.  i have tried many toxin releasing baths and magic pills that claim to cleanse your body but i can't say i notice much of a difference.  i understand that there is no quick fix or magic pill, but an extra boost can't hurt, right?

come to think of it, all of these crazy diets and magic pills remind me of chain letters.  do you remember these?  i recall getting them when i was a youth in the mailbox.  believe or not things other than junk and bills used to come in the mail.   there were strict instructions about passing on the exact letter to your closest 8 friends within a certain time frame.  this meant you painstakingly copied every word verbatim in your best handwriting, yes i said handwriting computers weren't commonplace in everyday households back in my youth, a lengthy letter with strict instructions.  once you had copied the letter 8 times, you carefully folded each one, placed them in a handwritten envelope (there was no peel and stick label you just ran off in your printer) and licked the stamp before affixing it to the top right hand corner.

if you followed the directions just perfectly a miracle would happen.  i must've done it wrong because none of the things i wished for came true.  i clearly remember sitting at the kichen table writing letter after letter and coming up with the best wish i could think of.  something along the lines of the new salt-n-peppa tape, or a new poster of corey haim, or that my crush at the time would finally notice me.  my wishes at the time weren't huge, yet they still didn't come true.

i still get this type of chain letter today.  now it comes in my email or sometimes on my phone, the time frame has been shortened dramatically but the number of people to send it to has stayed the same.  with the ease of "copy and paste" i think the stakes should be raised just a little bit.  instead of your closest 8 friends, it should be your closest 80.  oh come on, don't we all have at least 80 "close" friends in our facebook friend list?  this can't be that hard, just select the first half, you don't even really have to know them, copy, paste and send.  voila!  all you're wishes and dreams are on their way.

sounds silly right?  well that is how i think of these miracle diets.  so why am i partaking in this cleanse diet?  why not?  i figure i have nothing to lose except for maybe a few pounds, a few toxins and possibly my life!  okay losing my life is a little dramatic, but i tend to be that way sometimes.  *wink*